Title: I just wanted to say...
by Jordan from West Yorkshire | in writing, performance, spoken word
WRITING I never meant for it to happen, it just did. I mean do any of you really decide who you’re going to fall in love with? I mean me, I just saw them and I knew. I never wanted for it to happen. It would be much much easier if it didn’t, but I can’t change that!
I guess it all started when I was about in Year 8. That was the start of the phase in your life where your friends come into school hand in hand with their girlfriends. Everybody wondered where mine was. It was never a problem getting girls to notice me, in fact I had even been out with a few in the past; but there was just no feeling in it for me. And so it wasn’t too long before people started to ask questions, talk about me and whisper behind my back, creating their own little stories, rumours, lies about me.
AUDIENCE And then the name calling came along. Every day I would hear, ‘Freak, fag, gay’ for no reason what so ever. I had no idea what I had done wrong, yet some people thought it was funny, or amusing to themselves to shout such things out at me. Most of these people have no idea who I am! They have no idea what my favourite colour is, my favourite song, anything, so how can they have justified to themselves to scream such abuse! It hurt you know, it bloody well hurt!
WRITING And so I tried to cover up my homosexuality. I tried not to let anyone see. I even went out with a girl called Katy, had sex with her and everything, just to prove that I wasn’t a ‘puff’. The amount of times I lay in bed in night, hoping that when the morning came I would be everything that they wanted me to be. I tried mum, really I did. I can’t stop being me!
ACTOR TO CHOOSE WHO TO ADDRESS I’ve been seeing a guy now for a year and a half. And it just absolutely kills me when how upset he gets when people look down on our relationship, when people look at us like we’re scum because we love. Who does it matter who you love as long as you have the capability to love? We are all so privileged on our part of the planet. Each and every one of you have had opportunities and chances that so many people on this Earth haven’t had! There are fathers killing their daughters in the world because they will not love the ‘right’ man, so why should we persecute in this country, in this culture, in our lives when we have so much more! What makes you better than me. Everything about us is the same. I just thought I should tell you.
This is a small monologue about how a young person is trying to come to terms with his sexuality. He is writing a letter to tell his mum about his sexuality, and at times he addresses the audience.
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