Cross Words
As our crime season draws to a close it was good to open the newspaper this morning and read a review of Ken MacDonald's programme on Cross Examination techniques. As Anne Simpson pointed out, Ken's journalistic experience counted for nothing when he was given the chance to question a witness in a mock courtroom. The programme is still available on the Radio iPlayer so have a listen if you can.
It got me to thinking about other situations where the lawyer's technique might come in handy in order to get to the facts as fast as possible. Like today when I was in the Garden Centre....
ME: For the record can you state your name and occupation.
SHOPGUY: Archie Bullen, store manager.
ME: Please place your right hand on this seed catalogue. Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth about the patio furniture you claim to be selling at 'unbeatable prices'?
SHOPGUY: I do.
ME: Mr Bullen we've heard expert testimony suggesting you suffer from travel sickness.
SHOPGUY: Yes...I puke up in cars. Have you been talking to the cleaners?
ME: I'll ask the questions, Mr Bullen! So... when checking the prices in every garden centre in Scotland you use some other means of transport do you? A micro-light aircraft perhaps?
SHOPGUY: Well, I don't actually visit them all. I just get the girls to phone around and ask the other managers...
ME: Objection! Hearsay!
MY MATE: Sustained.
ME: So the truth is, Mr Bullen, you really have no idea if your prices are unbeatable at all, do you?
SHOPGUY: Well...I, well, er...
ME: No further questions. We're off to B & Q.
