Paper Monitor
09:57 UK time, Wednesday, 30 May 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Is that... looks a bit like... it can't be... Ginger Spice dressed up as Paris Hilton and Ray Winstone as Bono?
Nope, it's the Oscars for lookalikes and the Daily Express is in quite a tizz at the prospect of "Paris" arm in arm with "Angelina", saying they look "amazingly like" the stars.
Paper Monitor begs to differ, but recognises that the bottom has rather fallen out of the Spice Girl lookalike market, so what's a girl - and her hair extensions - to do but add Paris's sideways glance to her repertoire? And Ray Winstone does a very good job of impersonating Ray Winstone already, playing everyone from Henry VIII onward. Bono is the next logical option, surely.
A few pages in, there are more doubles in the shape of a Police tribute band. No wait, that's Sting himself, twanging a guitar during mid-air leap, even more agile than his 1984 incarnation. Yes, the band that soundtracked many a music reviewer's youth has reformed and the papers echo with past glories being relived.
The Daily Telegraph takes Don't Stand So Close to Me as the theme for its review of the famously divisive group. "Anyone could be forgiven for not wanting to get too close to [Stewart] Copeland. Wearing an ill-considered cycling suit, headband and spectacles, and pulling furious gurning faces, the hyperactive percussionist resembles an escapee from an asylum for the criminally insane."
Hold up - a cycling suit? Paper Monitor may not know much about fashion, but even it knows that cycling suits are ALWAYS ill-considered. Doubly so on a man pushing 60.
Surely Sting is a better role model with his sleeveless T-shirt, bovver boots and black combats. But cautionary words can be found in the Times. It's a look that made "thousands of Canadian women sigh contentedly", but - BUT - only because it's accessorised with "buttocks that could crack a walnut with a mere twitch".
Menfolk, the fashion police are on high alert.
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