Paper Monitor
12:38 UK time, Thursday, 1 January 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
A rather under-nourished lot, the New Year's Day papers. Unsurprisingly, they are low in fibre-filled news but high in less-nutritious 2009 previews and predictions.
Even the big British news story of the night, the midnight celebrations, came too late to make the first editions, which instead have pictures of fireworks in Sydney Harbour all over their front pages.
But to save readers indigestion from the high-calorie consumption of these tips and listings, here's a summary of what's in store in 2009.
The Times gives 2009 the most original treatment by summarising all the new law changes that came into force at midnight, such as coastguards no longer being allowed to fire flares during night rescues.
There's an "ANNUS FABULOUS" guide to a happy 2009 in the Sun, including the Take That tour, the return of ITV's Dancing on Ice and St George's Day.
The Independent predicts it's the year of the bicycle and provides training tips from Olympian Victoria Pendleton.
Twenty top tips to beat the credit crunch - such as recycling mobile phones and complaining more at poor service - preoccupies the Daily Express.
And the Guardian provides a wallchart (it was the year for them) of sporting events to look out for. The Telegraph has the same thought but eschews the chartus muralus format for a good, old-fashioned 11-page guide.
Looking rather out of step, the Daily Mail chooses the first day of 2009 to look back at those memorable quotes from errrrrrm, 2008.
The Daily Star leaves it to its page three model and soap actress Gemma Merna to toast the new year with a confident prediction: "I would like to see Carmel and Calvin settle down in 2009 and start to enjoy being married."
How lovely. But wait a minute. Who are Calvin and Carmel? Did I miss something?
Maybe the rest of the UK beyond Paper Monitor Towers already knows who Calvin and Carmel are, and the Star felt no need to state the obvious.
But for those one or two readers who don't know, we'll find out for you in a few clicks on a certain internet search engine.
Click, click.
Calvin and Carmel are characters in Hollyoaks. Here's to their happy marriage.
The 
