Paper Monitor
12:18 UK time, Tuesday, 31 March 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Bet they did. Just know they must have.
[Sound of shuffling through stack of newspapers.]
Ah. Here it is. So did they? [Sound of pages turning and the discarding of the Education Guardian supplement.]
Ah-HA! They did - the Guardian's G2 has been renamed G20. And inside are the answers to 20 questions about the global shindig. There are serious questions:
"Why 20?"
"How many Gs are there anyway?"
"Will I be in danger if I go to the protests?"
And less serious, to which Paper Monitor will provide a pen portrait of the given answer:
"Why is Obama flying to Stansted?" Too much disruption at Heathrow, so he'll land at the Essex airport's "allegedly exclusive Harrods terminal".
"Why do those US Secret Service agents always wear shades?" The official reason is to protect their eyes from the sun. But it doesn't hurt that would-be attackers can't quite tell which way they're looking.
"What about the goodie bag?" A tie, a tea towel, a few scented candles and some chocs.
It's like Christmas with Great Auntie Mabel. Bagsy not sit next to Uncle Silvio.
Meanwhile, there is more - do not be surprised, people of Britain - on the porn watched in Jacqui Smith's absence.
Guardian columnist Lucy Mangan muses that the films pertained to constituency issues. "Perhaps a series of Redditch housewives had experienced problems with their washing machines, and had written to their MP asking how to deal with the repairmen?"
The Daily Mail, meanwhile, does its bit for boosting the image of journalism as a tough, nitty-gritty job, by asking a female writer to watch subscription channels for a day.
One channel she scrolls past offers "amateur action... filmed by real people at it in their own homes, perhaps even your neighbours!" A resistible offer.
She also spots that Playboy TV's website offers "all MPs and their husbands a special VIP subscription".
She watches women pretending to be lesbians, women spanking and being spanked. And is outraged that these "battery hens of the sex industry" perform "degrading acts for the cheapened pleasure of others". Dreadful. Just look at the accompanying picture of three young women a-bed, clad in little more than their bras. See how they are kissing? Can you see - can you see - how degrading it is?
In case you can't quite tell from just the one photo, the same article online is illustrated with that pic, plus two of G-string clad bottoms and a lassie having a shower.
Degrading. That's what it is. And you should be ashamed of yourself for even looking.
The 
