Paper Monitor
11:01 UK time, Tuesday, 22 September 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Birthdays. Which notable characters share yours?
Say, for argument's sake, that today, 22 September, is your big day.
If you are a include Graham Jones, a past headmaster of Repton School; Captain Mark Phillips; Lord Moran, a former High Commissioner to Canada; and Deborah Lavin, past principal of Trevelyan College, Durham University. Oh, and a footballer by the name of Ronaldo Luiz Nazario de Lima.
In the Guardian, you find out that also born on this day are Professor David Drewry, Antarctic specialist at Hull University; the French socialist leader Ségolène Royal; and Billie Piper. Oh, and a footballer referred to simply as Ronaldo.
The Daily Mirror also mentions Piper and Ronaldo, along with ex-Spook Rupert Penry-Jones, Nick Cave, Joan Jett, Chesney Hawkes, "and reader Brian Snow, of Pevensey Bay, East Sussex, who is 70".
Paper Monitor is not entirely sure if the Daily Star lists notable birthdays in amongst all the bosoms on show, but stargazer Justin Toper has advice for all those Virgos out there: "... you should receive more consideration than you ever imagined. Indeed, what is stipulated is sure to delight you, even if it costs you in the end."
The Daily Express names just two people celebrating birthdays today, and one wonders what this choice says about the Express and its readers. They are singers Andrea Bocelli, 51, and Chesney Hawkes, 38. And stargazer Justin Toper - see above - gives the horoscope for all those Virgos out there. Stop me if you've heard this before: "... you should receive more consideration than you ever imagined. Indeed, what is stipulated is delightful, even if it costs you in the end."
The Daily Mail's stargazer Jonathan Cainer urges Virgos to "make the magic of the equinox work for you. There's important news in your latest four-minute forecast. Call 0906..." As for the birthdays list, one is struggling to find it. Say what you will about the Mail, there's always plenty of it.
The Independent raises a glass to Professor Sir Frederick Holliday, former Northumbria Water chairman; Mr Paul Jenkins, HM Procurator General, Treasury Solicitor and Head of Government Legal Services; and Miss Ruth Lea, director of Global Vision. Oh, and Mr Nick Cave, Miss Billie Piper and one Ronaldo. Whose name and title is not given in full.
... hold on, 22 September. That date rings a bell. Oh no! Father's birthday! Someone get a card - stat!
UPDATE 1123 BST: Since clicking publish, Paper Monitor has come across the Daily Telegraph's .
"It's a shock, meeting John Humphrys, because he is smiling so much. Beaming. Here he comes, bounding across a hall in quite the most jolly fashion ever, his grin hitting me about five seconds before he does."
His new partner is Observer columnist Catherine Bennett. So how is love's young dream then, Mr Humphrys?
"'It's, err... It's, um... Whatever you say just sounds soppy, doesn't it?' Pause. 'But, err. It's, err. Well. Yeah.' Oh come on, John. 'It's very nice. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Rather pathetic, isn't it?'"
And - AND! - he has learned how to moonwalk, and hoped to attend Michael Jackson's never-to-be concerts in London.
The 
