Paper Monitor
11:41 UK time, Monday, 17 May 2010
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
A few choice snippets from the Daily Mail's about (now ex-) chairman of the FA, Lord Triesman.
Dutiful parents, agony aunts and those who trade in the currency of life philosophy frequently remind us that, in love, looks are not everything. Someone, however, forgot to tell the Mail, which unsubtley notes of Lord Triesman
"[W]ith his shiny pate, rimless specs, enormous ears and newish bride, he didn't look much of a worry on the sex-scandal front"
Ouch!
Contrast that with the Mail's write-up on Melissa Jacobs (the woman to whom Lord Triesman related his thoughts about corruption, which were subsequently splashed across the press yesterday):
"With flowing flame red hair, a slim physique and ivory skin, she looks younger than her 37 years..."
Take note 37-year-olds - unless you are a biological anomaly, like Miss Jacobs, you're probably already over the hill.
But it's not all just about appearances - the Mail does note "an impressive academic background" although it appears to hedge this statement with the prefix "it seems".
Forgive Paper Monitor for feeling confused. However, this perplexed state is not helped by describing how Miss Jacobs "decided to turn the knife on an old flame".
We don't know the nature of their relationship, of course.
But anyone spot a mixed metaphor?
The 
