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"Welcome to Head & Shoulders customer support line. You are number 5 in the queue"

Now what's the number for 999?

"You're definitely a DD bust - and you look just like your picture on this card?"

The Doctor waited whilst Amy Pond went for a shovel

What do you mean there's snow on the line? Oh, you're British Rail enquiries!

"Gotta go Mum - pips are going!"

But your flyer says I get the pizza free if you fail to deliver within 30 minutes...

Just wait until I get my hands on that Bing Crosby

Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnnggg Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnnggg,
Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnnggg Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnnggg !!!

What do you mean, I was late, so I've missed my flight? I'm the pilot.

Is that Ladbrokes? What odds you giving for snow at Christmas in a double with snow at Easter?

I was only trying to reach the Currys/PC World national help line, it was warm when I got here....

(personal experience - sorry!)

After digging a path two miles from his house to the telephone box, McTavish was upset to find it was in a museum

When Gulliver slips in the snow, the Lilliputians try to steal his mobile

Global Warming Hot Line, how can I help you?

Superman opts for a change of strip

The thermal underwear was slightly hampering Superman's usual swift turnaround time...

I'm phoning from inside that little red flat you're letting in the High Street - I'll take it

Dunning? Yeah, after shifting all that snow outside my house, I sure am!

Man needing an ambulance quite cross to find phone box is just a prop for tourists.

What! I've just walked two miles through the snow, and now you tell me I can't phone in my Â鶹¹ÙÍøÊ×Ò³Èë¿Ú Magazine Monitor caption?

Snow answer

Is that Fortean Times? I'd like to report seeing a strange phenomena, a gritting lorry on a side road.

That's the trouble with the British - all they ever talk about is the weather

Colin Farrell is happy to stay put and chat

"Aaargh, you soft Sassenachs doon there in London. It's nay but a dusting. Just you wait until it really snows".

I've been stuck in here for over a week - there again, I think most people get depressed at this time of the year

"Sorry boss, cannot come into work today. It's too foggy".

"Can you remember roughly which bit of field you left the ransom money in?"

I know you're Carenza with a 40-inch bust and you're having a good time, but I'm finding it a too little cold to get interested, I'm afraid

Claims Direct? My fridge has broken

"Hurry up mate. There's a queue for this phone you know"

At least Mike still had his charity moustache to keep him warm.

Damart testing

Met Office employees were still getting death threats ...

Hi Jock.........I'm re-thinking the whole kilt thing.

Hiya Jock, you and Hamish still OK for the barbeque tomorrow?

Are you sure this is how David Beckham keeps his beauty?

Under cover cop makes UK's biggest Cocaine bust.

After the long trek from Ulan Bator, the scout for the Mongolian hordes checks on the weather ahead

As the snow melts in Dunning, a BT engineer discovers a phone left over from 1985

Of all the places in the Universe that Dr Who could have landed, it was here.

"Sorry, your call could not be connected due to snow on the line. Please try again later. Sorry, your call...."

Hello,Dr Who,this is the RAC,good news,we`ve found your Tardis."

Ice Box.

I can still see his camera and tripod, but that photographer in the white jacket and trousers has just been run over by a snowplough

Oh no! I was hoping for the Daleks, but it looks as if this Doctor Who episode is set in the Ice Age.

Hello, Met Office? I've just spent all morning sweeping up two feet of mild and gentle for the time of year from my drive.

"Hello, Tesco's Home Delivery? I'd like to order a single carrot, please."

Dr Who begins to rethink his winter travel plans

"Ahoy!" Alexander Graham Bell's first trial of his new invention was not a success after his colleague froze to death in a phone booth in Scotland.

Your current wait time is now twelve weeks...

The pigeon problem was even worse in Scotland than Trafalgar Square

Damned groundhog...

Curry's? When are you going to come and fix my freezer? People in the street are beginning to complain.

Another Ebay scam..........this box was still connected!

"Yeah, the Travel Lodge was fully booked ... no, there's no tea and coffee making facilities, but its slightly bigger and has a better view."

The snow hotline says the office is closed.

Did I leave the oven on?

I like your hat, said the man to the telephone.

"Is that Michael Fish? I'd like a word with you about the barbecue summer..."

The Michelin Man waited impatiently for his turn to use the phone.

Hello Operator.......there's no paper in here!

Hello, Mum? Good news is I've found the cat...

Crackling on the line? Don't be silly - who'd be cooking pork at this time of day?

PRESS WHAT BUTTON B TO GET MY MONEY BACK!!!

The TUTT TUTT TUTTING in the queue were getting louder and louder

Snowed under at work, I'm afraid.

Directory Enquiries? I'd like the numbers of Emma Dreamin, Arthur White, Chris Muss.

What do you mean there's no home delivery today?

YES.....IT'S AN ORIGINAL BRITISH RED K6 TELEPHONE BOX BOOTH KIOSK AND I CAN DELIVER LOCALLY FOR £150.......

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Hello? I've just called to say your lights are blinking out of sequence.

Ringing in the new year?

Bring a shovel. And deicer for my ears.

You've reached the claustrophobia hotline. Your current wait time is twenty minutes.

When I reserved a box to see Snow White, this wasn't quite what I had in mind

Yes operator...I'm the bridegroom on my stag do...I live in Brighton......now where am I again?

I wasn’t expecting such a frosty reception...

Chill out? There is actually.

If I hold any longer I'm afraid I might drift off...

Cold Calling.

My emergency? It seems I've forgotten my snood.

No, I’m not joking, Becky Snow said to ring her at this number.

Damn! Stuck in a phone box and someone's removed all the postcards.

Hello is that David Jason, I was wondering if you could help me with a Touch of Frost....

(Voice on the line) "No, sir, I said that we at the Nasa flight program are seeking applicants with the RIGHT stuff..."

This is United States calling, are we reaching...

Mother, what do you mean you wont accept reverse charges?

Yes, Mum, I did remember to pack my woolllies.

This time Paul Chambers decides to use a more anonymous way to complain about the closure of Robin Hood airport.

Darling I’m going to ‘rap’ this conversation up and say that its ice ice baby...

Damn Tardis has ended up in Hoth again.

You've reached the voice mailbox for Hell and we are aware it has frozen over. Please try your call again later.

ARGH !! Cold callers

(Indian accent) "Yes, madam, you are through to Mumbai Call Centre. How am I helping you?"

After his affair Rob got a frosty reception when he called home.

Hello snow scenes are us, who is calling.

Christmas Card Photo Shoot Diasters - #27

"Get Tarquin on the phone immediately! I specifically ordered a spade with a robin on the handle to be directly in front of this box..."

I'm not sure what it is love but there is an awful smell and the snow is yellow.