Paper Monitor
11:41 UK time, Thursday, 30 June 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
While other newspapers flirt with mediocrity, the Daily Star is making a break for genius.
OK, not the whole paper, just the Text Maniacs column. Today's is a peach.
The main subject is the strike of public sector workers. And perhaps the pithiest of the missives comes from a "Donna K'bab" in "blackpool (with kids argh!)".
"Always knew I should of became a teacher....another day off haha," she texts. She accepts teachers might not appreciate her analysis and goes on to add: "I also know full wat my kids r like!!"
Paper Monitor can think of one obstacle to Ms K'bab's pedagogical career.
But it must be said that Text Maniacs is gloriously impartial, featuring a broad range of opinion.
There's no room in today's paper for any stories about obesity. It's probably for the best as the front page blurb, dominating half the page, is an offer for various comestibles from Greggs.
Today you can get "any muffin you want!" free, while tomorrow you can have a free doughnut, free pizza on Saturday, and a free chicken lattice on Sunday. It's really saying something when a chicken lattice seems the healthiest item of a bunch.
The main story on the front is a picture of Cheryl Cole who has gone almost-blonde, but it's the badge that the paper has stuck on that draws the eye.
"1st NEW PIC IN 37 DAYS!" says the legend. Inside another badge says "1st PUBLIC SIGHTING IN 37 DAYS".
It's all rather reminiscent of those occasions when a rare bird is blown off its migratory route from Siberia to the Azores and draws thousands of twitchers to a terraced house in Weston-super-Mare.
She's gone 37 days without being captured by a Star-sponsored pap. It's like Novak Djokovic's 41-match unbeaten run. Or Joe Calzaghe's 46-0 career record. Only better.
The 
