Paper Monitor
11:39 UK time, Thursday, 3 November 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor likes to keep its readers abreast of what is going on in the world of celebrity and showbiz news. Purely out of anthropological interest of course.
But it would obviously be inappropriate to name any of those involved.
The middle-aged English actor once usually called "floppy-haired" and famous for getting very friendly with a lady on the Sunset Strip is allegedly "enjoying the attentions" of a 21-year-old German burlesque singer.
This is news because he has just fathered a child with someone he had a "fleeting affair" with.
The Daily Mail has a big comment piece from Amanda Platell. She lets rip with her use of "oleaginous, womanising lounge-lizard" and "apparently insignificant, loveless liaison". Lordy.
Further on the Mail dedicates two pages to the two-year-old child of the England footballer famous for his hair transplant and his occasional peccadilloes.
Over in the Daily Telegraph the honourable self-made property guru is giving advice on marital happiness. Don't talk to your husband until you've fed him, she suggests.
Over in the Daily Star there's a profusion of celeb bumpf. The slightly odd teenage pop singer is accused of fathering a child with a fan after a tryst lasting in the region of 30 seconds. The Mail should get Platell on the case.
The paper reveals that the tubby actor who used to be quite funny writes the gags for the talent show judge and man/boy band member who used to be quite tubby.
Over in the Sun there's some space for news about the troubled woman actor who was in a half-decent teen flick many years ago but has largely been famous since for comprehensive substance abuse. Apparently her latest jail sentence was delayed for her to pose naked for Playboy.
Paper Monitor wonders why this could not have taken place inside prison. The reasons may have been logistical rather than artistic.
The 
