When life on the pitch crosses the ditch
This promises to be an especially high holy sporting weekend, with Australians engaged on two traditional fronts: the Ashes at the Oval and the Bledisloe Cup in Sydney. We've spent a lot of time in recent weeks talking about Australia's relationships with Britain, America, Indonesia, and, most recently, China, but we've never explored the great trans-Tasman rivalry with New Zealand, a terrible lacuna.
Rather like the Ashes, the Bledisloe probably speaks more of the two nation's points of convergence rather than divergence. As everyone knows, the Aussies and Kiwis fought alongside each other in World War 1, which obviously explains the derivation of the term ANZACs, and even competed in the same team at the 1908 and 1912 Olympics under the banner of 'Australasia.' The preamble to the Australian Constitution speaks of New Zealand joining the new Federation, even though Wellington had already made it abundantly clear that it had no wish to do so.
This week John Key, the new-ish New Zealand prime minister, has been holding talks with Kevin Rudd in Canberra, at which they agreed to explore the creation of a new ANZAC force, and the possibility of joint deployments. (https://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/20/2661939.htm). They also entered into a Bledisloe wager, with Kevin Rudd promising to wear an All Blacks tie on Monday if the Wallabies lose, and John Key promising to do the same in reverse. Surely this fixture merits more than that. Personally, I think John Key should be forced to sing Waltzing Maltilda wearing a pair of budgie-smugglers (Eds note: swimming trunks), and that Mr Rudd should gather his cabinet on the forecourt of Parliament House in Canberra to perform the haka (wouldn't the environment minister, Peter Garrett, do a spectacular haka?), but hey.
Some of the most recent immigration figures show that thousands of Kiwis are heading to Australia. 2007 saw the highest net outflow to Australia since 1988, which helped explain a government advertising campaign aimed at luring them home. In recent times, more Kiwis have been heading here than Poms, which brings to mind what has to be one of the most fabulous sledges of all-time: that golden quip from the former New Zealand Prime Minister Robert Muldoon, who said that when a New Zealander comes to Australia it raises the IQ of both nations. (Admittedly, here I need to tread carefully, since my ticket to the Bledisloe came courtesy of my mother-in-law, who was born on the other side of the ditch but has since become one of the most patriotic Aussies I know.)
Why, the Wallabies even have a Kiwi coach, the immensely likeable Robbie Deans, whom many New Zealanders, especially from the South Island, thought should have taken charge of his native team.
For all the similarities, the rivalry obviously remains intense. Clearly there are many Australians who think that New Zealand suffers from 'small neighbour syndrome.' Conversely, clearly there are many Kiwis who have little doubt that they live in the best and most beautiful country on the planet.
There are many New Zealanders who reckon Australia could learn from them, whether it's in the international marketing of a faraway country (the 100% Pure New Zealand is widely seen as the gold standard in the tourism industry) or indigenous affairs. And curiously, just as various Australian models are often heralded by public policy think-tanks abroad, New Zealand is also looked upon as a laboratory of reform. Right now, there's talk, for instance, that the British Conservative Party leader David Cameron will seek to emulate New Zealand's 'Beehive' model of government, where top ministers are all housed in the same building, should he become Prime Minister.
Perhaps there are some Aussies who would like to see their own country adopt a Kiwi-style foreign policy, with its proud independence and occasional pugnacity. Perhaps there are Kiwis who envy Australia's close ties with Washington, and its commercial links with the emerging giants, China and India.
As with the Muldoon jibe, the rivalry can produce moments of delicious high humour. Here, for instance, are two clips from the ABC show The Gruen Transfer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8Q36-9UUQE and (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AIppqNePdM), where two ad agencies were asked to come up with a campaign advocating the invasion of New Zealand.
Finally, here's something else that the Aussies and Kiwis are in agreement on at the moment - and that's the deterioration in the quality of international rugby following the end of the experimental law variations (ELVs), which encouraged a faster, more running game and less kicks at goal.
So far the tri-nations series has seen a yawn-fest of aerial ping-pong punctuated with kicks at goal from the South African fly-half (or five-eighth, as they known here), Morne Steyn. It's what many in the southern hemisphere think of as the northern hemisphere form of rugby.
So here's hoping for something different from the Bledisloe: a half- decent advertisement for such a glorious game.
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