If you want to make a really good sports movie, there are certain rules you have to abide by. To tie in with the release of Keanu Reeves' "Hardball", here are five top tips...
1 The Geek Wins the Game If you're a geek in a sports movie, never fear. OK, so you'll probably spend the majority of the film getting wedgies, flicked with wet towels and generally ridiculed by jocks wearing awful multi-coloured tank-tops. But come the final moments, you'll inevitably have the last laugh as you score the winning goal/points/runs.
2 The Trick Play "But Coach, it's never worked before!" So goes the cry when the trusty team leader calls for that trick play in the final seconds of the game, with one score needed for victory. Forget that most of the time the opposition would see it coming a mile off, and let the scriptwriter come up with an incredibly intricate tactic to win the day - the wackier it is, the more likely you are to win the game.
3 The Cheerleader Falls For the Sensitive Hero She's gorgeous, intelligent, and wears a tight top like no other girl alive, but she's going out with Brad or Chad (aka The Nasty Quarterback/Pitcher). But this cheerleader's about to get a serious wake-up call, as she realises the aforementioned goon will end up in Bumville, Indiana, and hooks up with our unassuming, talented, and dashing hero.
4 The Self-Pitying Star His dad puts too much pressure on him, he can't get the grades, he's got a drinking problem. A movie hero is no good if he's like normal people. Instead, he's got to hate his parents, have a dysfunctional relationship, and look like his career will go up in smoke thanks to the crack pipe. Ultimately, he'll still win the game - and he'll dedicate the victory to Pop (dead of a heart attack in the second reel), or his girlfriend for putting up with the acne and shrunken penis courtesy of steroid abuse.
5 The True Story Because real-life sport loves a clich茅, there's no point wasting a lot of creative juices trying to come up with an original story. Simply draw on you-couldn't-make-it-up events from the back pages - a team scoring in the final seconds of a game to defeat its nearest rival and win the championship ("Fever Pitch"); a jockey overcoming cancer to win the Grand National ("Champions"), a Jamaican bobsled team competing in the Winter Olympics ("Cool Runnings").
FIVE WINNING SPORTS MOVIES:
"Chariots of Fire"
"Eight Men Out"
"Gregory's Girl"
"Rocky"
"The Natural"
FIVE DRAWING SPORTS MOVIES:
"Any Given Sunday"
"Fever Pitch"
"Remember the Titans"
"Slap Shot"
"Tin Cup"
FIVE LOSING SPORTS MOVIES:
"Driven"
"For Love of the Game"
"The Match"
"The Mighty Ducks"
"True Blue"
