Mrs. McCoubrey a robust little woman of maturing years with a sharp voice to match stood on the pavement outside her home, her fat midriff straining like a second bosom under her cotton dress.
鈥淭here is a nest of wasps in them eaves of mine, and I don't know a鈥 tall what I'm going to do with them," she related loudly to no one in particular, the street was empty with a Sunday morning emptiness.
Janice Johnston, the local busybody was sweeping her path on the opposite side of the street and curiosity becoming the better off her; she ceased her brushing and traipsed across the road to her concerned neighbour.
"Having some bother Mrs McCoubrey?" she inquired, resting her chin idly on crossed knuckles on the brush shaft.
"I am indeed," came the curt reply, "a nest of wasps have taken up residence in the eaves of my house and that oul ijit of a husband of mine wants to smoke them out;鈥 sure it鈥檚 the house he'll set on fire! 鈥.. so he will!"
"Aye!.... I see what you mean alright,鈥 aye!" she affirmed whimsically twisting her neck elastically as she observed the wasps flying around the exposed nest on the underside of the eaves of the single storey cottage.
"Aye!.. Fire can be dangerous!鈥 well sure the council have a rat man........" babbled Janice flippantly.
"Would you talk sense woman!" interrupted a short-tempered Mrs. McCoubrey, wincing as she relieved the weight on her bad leg.
"Them鈥檚 wasps!" she stressed vigorously, emphasising the point by tapping her walking stick solidly on the pavement.
"Aye, .... But they're vermin," returned Janice plausibly, looking into her eyes. Her eyes were grey, yet dominant and caught by them she felt unable to look away.
"Vermin!... Wasps!....huh!" Scoffed Mrs McCoubrey derisively, and she turned on her stick and shuffled concernedly towards her front door, mumbling derogatively as she went, her right shoulder thrust higher supporting the load.
A short time later Janice returned and knocked on the front door,
"I'm back Mrs McCoubrey," she greeted giddily, "I've been thinking about you and I've a good idea to sort out those wasps."
"Aye 鈥 An what鈥檚 that?" Inquired Mrs McCoubrey warily, an expression of doubt drifting across her flaccid face.
"You just leave it to Janice," came the self-assured reply, "I'll get rid of them wasps, 鈥 so I will, 鈥 听don't you worry, 鈥 听and she rubbed her hands with verve.
Ah! 鈥 could I borrow your Hoover for a wee while?"
"My Hoover?" enquired Mrs. McCoubrey dubiously, her sharp eyes querying her giddy neighbour, an expression of wariness on her sallow face, "..... you won't damage it, ....will you?"
Twenty minutes later Janice called Mrs. McCoubrey.
"There you are Mrs. McCoubrey, there鈥檚 your wasps nest," and she pointed to the remnants lying scattered on the ground at the wall of the house.
"The jobs a good one," she boasted confidently, "if you'll just lend me your brush and shovel, I'll clear up the mess. You'll have no more trouble with them wasps, Mrs. McCoubrey," she affirmed positively a broad smile of satisfaction beaming,听
Mrs. McCoubrey supported on her stick shuffled over to the side of the house and looked up doubtfully to the underside of the eaves. A smile of appreciation spread across her sagging cheeks as she prodded delicately with her stick at the broken nest lying on the pavement.
鈥淛anice you鈥檙e a marvel!鈥 she commended warmly, 鈥淚 must admit I had my doubts, 鈥︹. You鈥檙e a marvellous woman鈥︹ou鈥檝e a great head on those shoulders鈥
Janice could read from her expression that she had risen suddenly in her estimation and she savoured the moment.
She hesitated looking fearfully towards the Hoover, the distinct drone increasing as the insects recovered from their surprise eviction, her head tilted in accusation.
听鈥淎n 鈥 where鈥檚 the wasps now?鈥 says she, her voice sharp and the smile slipping back into her more usual vexed grimace as she coldly eyed the jovial Janice and her smug grin of satisfaction.
Janice felt the disdain of the question, like the sting from a slap on the face.
鈥淎h!鈥︹︹ dithered Janice hesitantly, her confidence waning as the crescendo developed. Her breath came harder and little muscles in her face twitched. 鈥淎h!鈥..the wasps are in the Hoover,鈥 and she let off one of her nervous guffaws further aggravating Mrs. McCoubrey.
鈥淚n the what?鈥 questioned Mrs. McCoubrey with a flash of bad temper?
鈥淎ye鈥.ah! 鈥. the wasps are in the Hoover! ..Aye鈥 but don鈥檛 worry yourself. .Aye!.. they鈥檒l soon suffocate. Ah!鈥. sure they鈥檒l be deed in a ween of minutes, so they will鈥.. so they will.鈥 She repeated unconvincingly and then she released her giddy laugh again whilst her face slipped into a clownish grin.
听Mrs. McCoubrey did not speak but the sharp contours of her face held more words than a dictionary, as she stared menacingly at Janice.
Janice her flushed face now portraying beads of nervous perspiration.
鈥淥h they will!鈥hey鈥檒l be dead in a ween of minutes,鈥 vouched Janice her nervous voice barely audible now above the drone from the Hoover.
Mrs. McCoubrey, her under-lip thrust out with contempt, the anger portrayed in her sharp tongue, shot back. 鈥淚 hope you know what you鈥檙e doing woman! 鈥..if that Hoover is damaged, I鈥檒l hold you responsible!鈥
鈥淚ts getting like a wee drop of rain, do you want to take the Hoover inside 鈥︹ ? an sure I鈥檒l call back later and empty it for you鈥...鈥
鈥淚ndeed you鈥檒l do no such thing, you may leave the Hoover in the shed till you clean it out,鈥 came the piqued reply in a tone that commanded obedience and she turned 听and walked ploddingly with a stoop that thrust her knees forward of her, mumbling derisively as she went.
Janice watched her go, her slippers making light slow clicks on the pavement.
听听听听听听听听听听听 Later that evening Janice returned to empty the Hoover. She went straight round to Mrs. McCoubrey鈥檚 shed at the rear, with her quick eager little steps that sounded so eager to please, waving conspicuously to her unresponsive neighbour through the kitchen window as she past.
听听听听听听听听听听听 A few minutes later a distraught Janice, knocked on her neighbour鈥檚 rear door. Mrs. McCoubrey her lips pursed stared dourly at the pallid countenance of her neighbour.
听鈥淲ell?鈥 she exclaimed sourly when her neighbour did not speak.
鈥淭he ..the wasps have escaped,鈥 Janice stuttered nervously, tears in her eyes, and offering her exposed left arm for sympathy, 鈥渁n 鈥 and they stung me, so they did.鈥
There were two wrinkles across her neighbour鈥檚 forehead that cut deep when she was angry and her strong-arced eyebrows dropped lower.
鈥淭he wasps escaped!鈥 stormed Mrs. McCoubrey angrily offering no sympathy before letting fly in her infamous temper with a litany of scathing ridicule.
鈥淵ou caused the problem, you resolve it!鈥 she concluded angrily and slammed the door in poor Janice鈥檚 face. Before Janice could gather her senses the door re-opened and a threatening Mr. McCoubrey emerged letting fly once more, 鈥渁nd If my Hoover is damaged you鈥檒l pay for the repair!鈥 and she stared at Janice, her tense pale face that showed red forming in the centre of her flat cheeks and the door slammed noisily once more.
听听听听听听听听听听听 After a sleepless night, Janice phoned the local council office and sheepishly explained her embarrassing situation. A pleasant young woman assured her that the pest control officer would call later that day, fumigate the shed, and resolve her problem. A relieved Janice returned to her usual light-hearted self, lavishly praising the assistance and efficiency of the council services and their staff. As the conversation concluded the young woman enquired, 鈥淭o whom shall we send the bill madam?鈥
A stunning silence ensued
听鈥淭here will be a charge for this service,鈥 confirmed the female council official.
Her heart rate quickened at the implication.
鈥淎 ..a听 b..bill?鈥 queried Janice timidly.
鈥淵es madam,鈥 replied the lady officiously, 鈥渙ur department will consider dealing with such vermin free of charge when the general public are at risk, as was the case when the nest was on the front of the house. Unfortunately your decision to shift the wasps to the rear makes them a private nuisance and we have to charge for the council鈥檚 services in those circumstances.鈥
No response forthcoming the young woman dutifully enquired, 鈥淲ill I send the bill to the occupier?鈥
鈥淣o! .. No! ..Ah!.. you may send the bill to me,鈥 she replied dejectedly, 鈥渟o much for doing good deeds.鈥
鈥淪ure it鈥檚 the thought that counts madam,鈥 consoled the young woman as she recorded Janice鈥檚 name and address.
鈥淗uh! .. I鈥檓 not so sure,鈥 returned Janice, 鈥渢his bill鈥檚 bad enough, there could be another bill for the Hoover, and Mrs. McCoubrey will ridicule me for the next year! It鈥檚 an unfair world!鈥
鈥淎h well console yourself with the words of Sophia Loren,鈥 proffered the young woman, "Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."
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