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Joining Claudia and Danny on the sofa this week is Kevin Maher.听Kevin听has written for听The Guardian, The Observer听补苍诲听Time Out. He was film editor of听The听Face听until 2002. For the last听seven听years he has been at听The Times听where he is听a feature writer, critic and columnist.

Danny:
There鈥檚 a load of moaning, grunting and sweating, but there鈥檚 a lot more going on here. It鈥檚 about everything at once. It鈥檚 mostly about Lars Von Trier. In any one scene of his films, you feel like applauding him and strangling him at once, and that鈥檚 true for 4 hours through Nymphomaniac. The world is a more interesting place with Nymphomaniac in it.

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Kevin:
The first film was intriguing, it had a really interesting idea. However, at the point where Charlotte Gainsbourg鈥檚 body double was getting her bum thwacked for the 39th time, the film seemed to lose interest in what it was doing. It became boring. It could be a size issue 鈥� it could be that it鈥檚 too big to handle. It鈥檚 a 4 hour sex marathon, and after that much time, the cracks start to show.

Claudia:
What鈥檚 extraordinary about it was that I was aghast while watching it, but now I can鈥檛 even explain what it鈥檚 about.

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Danny:
This is a true cult movie in waiting. Rusell Crowe is extraordinary 鈥� he鈥檚 taken it up a notch since Les Mis. 听It鈥檚 got the same writer, producer and director, and if ever there was a film that needed a monster of a producer to stride on set and say 鈥渘o, no, no鈥� it鈥檚 this.

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Kevin: Putting the terrible accents aside, it鈥檚 'Showgirls-cheese'. It鈥檚 the Showgirls version of The Princess Bride. It鈥檚 Gangs of New York meets The Mortal Instruments. Maybe with a different director, a different script and a different cast, this might鈥檝e worked.

Claudia:听
For me it was a story about true love, and they just happen to be vampires. For me, it wasn鈥檛 all about vampires. I really enjoyed this film 鈥� I would tell people to see this film.

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Danny:
As Jim Jarmusch films go, this is slight but sweet, and it鈥檚 got charm. Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton are fun to watch, and they鈥檙e having a lot of fun here.听

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Kevin:
Jarmusch is hit or miss. This felt like his challenge was to make an original vampire film post-Twilight, which seems hard to do. It鈥檚 fine 鈥� it鈥檚 serviceable.

Claudia:
The director wanted听twelve year old to be able to see this, maybe this is why it鈥檚 鈥榮ofter鈥� than the average war movie.

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Danny:
It鈥檚 a lovely, snuggly, fuzzy, cuddly blankets of a film. But it does that by telling you that war isn鈥檛 as bad as all that. If you want a听World War II听movie where even the book-burnings look nice, then this is the film for you. Even the Nazis look nice. There鈥檚 such a rich reek of guff wafting through this film.

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Kevin:
It鈥檚 a look at Germany made during World War II. It鈥檚 very traditional, non-challenging film making, and if you accept those parameters, it鈥檚 very dignified storytelling. Every World War II movie doesn鈥檛 have to be a gut-wrenching realisation that we鈥檙e all existentially ruined.