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Mike and Alison welcome the very first guests to their new bijoux B&B, determined to get a glowing review, whatever the cost. While serving the couple breakfast, Alison realises that they are not enjoying their anniversary break and, fearing a bad review, utilises the surprising skills of Lady Button and Julian to ensure the couple make the most of their weekend away.

Mary reveals she has never had a holiday, so Pat tells her about the joys and pitfalls of week on the Costa Del Sol. Thomas is perplexed yet secretly thrilled by sudden attention from the Plaguers, who, after admiring Alison’s discarded portrait of him in the basement, are now affording him celebrity status in Button House, hanging on his every word.

The Captain is outraged by this meaningless reverence, believing that only a handful of great war leaders deserve such unadulterated veneration. As he and Thomas clash over the Plaguers, he challenges them to endure a poetry recital in order to test their loyalty.