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6-year-old Adam was diagnosed as autistic 2 years ago. His parents, John Gillibrand, Vicar of Llandegvan and Menai Bridge in Wales and his wife Gillian talk about the complications and joys which Adam’s condition brings …

When Adam was finally diagnosed as autistic, the fact that their son’s behavioural problems were actually given a name came as a relief to his parents. John says, "Even though there’s no cure for autism, with a diagnosis you can then start tackling the problem. It’s also a moment of great sadness because you’re aware of everything that lies ahead for him, and by consequence, for us." Ìý And Gillian, an infant teacher before leaving her career to care for Adam, adds, "It’s like coming to terms with a bereavement, you tend to grieve for the child you knew should have been."

Adam finds it hard to communicate by speech. Gillian describes his way of explaining what he wants, "If he wants to go to a cupboard, he drags your arm to get you to open it but it’s important to get Adam to give you eye contact and then to point." Physical closeness is also a difficulty for autistic children, although, Adam is considered pretty sociable by autistic standards. He’s less spontaneous than the Gillibrand’s 3 year old, and has a more controlled way of making contact. John explains, "He comes and sits on your knee, then arranges your hands round his tummy. It’s almost cuddling by numbers." Gillian has found that music is a mode of communication to which Adam responds well, "He sings really well in tune, and can say the words clearly and articulately - it convinces me that talking is all there ready to come out. If you sing instructions to him, he’s more likely to do the thing..."

Adam’s behaviour in public has caused Gillian much pain, "He looks like any other 6 year old - I’ve been accused of having a spoilt and naughty child." Since autism has been diagnosed, Gillian’s response has changed from anger, to telling her critics that her son is autistic and giving a brief explanation of how it affects her son’s behaviour.

In accepting their situation, the Gillibrands have found that they have become much closer, bucking the frequent pattern of breakdown in families with disabled member. "We’ve been facing a common problem - in relationships you often leave questions on hold - we’ve had to take decisions and get on with the next thing," says John. It has also taken time to accept Adam, "You can’t separate Adam from his disability - it’s part of who he is. You celebrate that person in front of you rather than some expectation - often false..."

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