Five years ago, Clare from Bristol suffered a violent sexual assault. A broken bottle was held to her neck and Clare was convinced she was going to die. Clare's attacker was chased and caught by two passing men. He was convicted and jailed. Clare then took the extraordinary step of contacting the man in jail..She talked to John Peel about her experience.
Clare: I wrote, and my brother also wrote and I think we both probably wrote quite similar things. I think a lot of people feel very surprised that I was doing that and I had quite a lot of people saying I shouldn't do it. My initial reaction after the attack it was just a complete gut feeling, was that I wanted to see him. If someone's had a really big influence on your life, normally you get a chance to talk to them about it. It was very odd that someone who had such an effect on my life, not to be able to talk to him. I actually wanted to see him. I've no idea how I would have felt if he hadn't seemed like such a kind of frightened and very dangerous child - but it felt like he was a frightened child. And it was such a gut feeling - I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear why he'd done it.
John: What did you say in your letter to him?
Well, it was quite a while, after he'd probably been in prison for over two years before I did write in the end, because a lot of people suggested that I shouldn't and the people in the prison weren't very happy that I was going to do that. I very much wanted to know why he'd done it and also just to say that it had had a big impact on my life, and things were getting better and I knew that I'd get through it and that in time he could sort things out for himself. In court, the only people who turned up to see him were family who clapped when he was sent down. They were very very aggressive towards him.
John:His family?
There were just a few step family members who came in who were very aggressive towards him. They came up to me and said that they'd like to do him over. They were very very angry towards him..
John: How old a man was he?
I think he was 33 at the time. But it was very clear - whilst he was attacking me that it was a very pathetic attempt to gain some kind of control over his life. And during court and after he'd been convicted it came out that he'd had a very difficult childhood, and he'd been taken into care, and he had an alcoholic father – and it's such an incredible contrast to my own upbringing. I do think he didn't have any support from anyone in his family and I do really really hope that things work out for him.
John: Did he write back to you?
He did write back a very very moving letter. He never acknowledged what he'd done until he read the letter. During the court hearing he had no recollection of that having happened.
John: People often say that though in the hope that it'll give him some credit in the eyes of the court.
He only accepted he'd done that when he read the letter, and he said that he never cried before, but it had made him cry and he was thinking about it a lot and he actually said he should have been put down for what he'd done… which I completely disagree with but … he said that he would never come back to Bristol so I could never accidentally bump into him. He was going on a sex offenders treatment programme and he agreed that when he left prison he'd got to a half-way house so he'd be less likely to re-offend again. And so, it was a very moving letter, and very comforting as well.
John: Did you write back again, or was it just a one off?
I'd like to have written back - he was released not very long after I'd got his reply, but I think the prison officers and people in the prison were reluctant that some kind of relationship might be set up. And I think they thought felt that it was more appropriate not to do that.
John: A lot of people would be tempted to believe that your reaction came on some level from some kind of religious background - but that's not true of you I understand …
No, I'm not at all religious. I've had a very very loving upbringing, and I've always been completely confident that I'm completely loved by everyone in my family. And that's an enormous help in everything I do - it's always something I carry round with me..
John:From what you're saying that's what gave you the strength to write the letter in the first place - you couldn't have written such a letter if you'd felt insecure yourself…
I think that's probably right. It's very difficult to put it down to one thing, I made up of all things that have ever happened to me and having been brought up in such a secure family is a part of me, and I know it's extremely helpful in getting over it.
John: After I'd spoken to Charles and Fiona Everett a couple of weeks ago, we did get a letter from a psychologist saying that forgiveness is something that people who are hurt often feel pressured to do - and too speedy a forgiveness is an avoidance of having real feelings about the event. First of all do you feel you have forgiven him?
It's strange, but I don't feel that there's anything to forgive, because I was never angry with him. I was obviously extremely upset, and wished that it hadn't happened. But I didn't feel I was angry with him for it, so I didn't feel that there was something to forgive. I certainly wish him the best and hope he'll never ever do anything like that again but it's not something I chose to do, I just never felt that way. It was just a reaction, I think my family would wish that things would turn out well for him and hope that he's able to lead a good life …
