Tom Rhodes provides Home Truths with uncensored extracts from his holiday audio diary -
In a little village, somewhere in south west France, Tom Rhodes whips out his microphone and portable recorder and sets to, closely observing the minutiae of behaviour which emerges from a holiday home full to the brim - wife, baby son, and his 15 in-laws. "Some of it will involve me, but some of it I hope to stay well out of..."
Day 1
"We’re waiting for a family friend to drop in, a Catholic priest, who may or may not may be staying the night, depending on how much alcohol he consumes. .. Brother in-laws have arrived. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who refers to their car as ‘my machine’. Maybe it’s a Home Counties thing.
Well, the predicted family transformation started last night. Matthew, a man I love and respect very much, went from a kind, considerate and thoughtful man, to a monosyllabic and obstructive teenager within about 20 minutes. A strange phenomenon. I feel like David Attenborough. Just being around family seems to do it to you."
Day 3
"Adrian and Mary, his new wife arrived yesterday. We had a big barbecue, last night - all sitting on the terrace, apart from my father-in-law, Mike - who sat down the end of the garden stoking the charcoal. It seems that barbecues always tend to be a man thing - give them a naked flame and it excites some sort of primeval instinct in them… I'm relatively lucky with my in-laws. My father- in-law , particularly, gives a very good impression of being a cantankerous old goat quite a lot of the time. He even wears a Victor Meldrew T-shirt … but actually seems to be pretty relaxed and enjoying being with us and his grandson.
Already the house facilities are straining rather under the numbers of people, Mary, was forced to admit that it was she who was weeing in the shower. These are the little gems that give you a reputation in this family…"
I’ve devoted myself during his week to the workings of a swimming pool and how you keep clean. If there’s anyone out there who would like to match my current salary as a university administrator, and would a pool attendant and somebody to keep their pool clean, them I’m you’re man.
Doing this audio diary, I realise how sick I am of the sound of my own voice. I’m glad I don’t have to listen to it all day."
