Mavis Cheek puts on her posh frock and explains why she is such a party girl....
Princess Diana sometimes played a little game when she became bored with her endless dumb-wife platform performances. As Charles did his best to get attention paid to him, Diana would sit demurely looking down at her hands showing nothing but the crown of her hat. Suddenly up she'd look for a fraction of a second to the click, pop and whirl of a barrage of cameras. Leaving the heir to the throne pink in frustration. Then she would look down again.
I have a similar little game I play at parties. I go up to husbands and talk to them normally! Yes, other people's husbands. I don't actually have one myself, but like Diana and her hat the game never fails. I used to go up to husbands and talk to them in a weird misplaced desire to communicate with another being; now it's Cabaret! Like the sweetest piece of honeycomb and a passing swarm of bees, I'm suddenly surrounded by wives. It's a miracle! Having arrived at my shoulders they begin the pantomime of possession. They start fiddling with their husbands and say...."Do you remember, darling..." while giving me a triumphant look.
But those looks are laced, of course, by fear. For it is fear that drives these wives across the room. Fear that I am after their husbands. Fear that normal social intercourse will lead inevitably to the other intercourse.
I used to long to put my arms around the wives and give them a sisterly hug and say: "No dear, fear not, you are quite safe!" And they are. Have you seen some of those husbands!? They are perfectly nice men, but oil paintings they ain't! Small bald company solicitors from Croydon are hardly likely to star with me in the News of the World!
So, fear not, wives, I bring your tidings of great joy, I'm not after your husbands. But I would like to point out thatmarital infidelity is usually carried out by other married miscreants. We singles are way down the league of adultery. Meanwhile you can leave your husbands safely with me.
