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We knew at the beginning of the month before anyone else of the cracks in the
Middleton Windsor relationship. It was when Donald in his capacity as car park attendant at the Fank noticed a VW Golf with no road tax parked on the top road into South Dell. There was a Top Shop bag on the back seat and some polo equipment along with it with the initials WW on the shirt. Knowing that William Wallace is long dead Donald put two and two together and realised there was some top totty at the masked ball that evening looking for lurve.
Being an expert ogler of KM's legs over the p[ast few years, D soon tracked his quarry down. She was sat on a peat bank talking to Chrissie Mary and B of B about hair colouring and swapping experiences about stylists. Chrissie Mary didn't hold back about her thought s on Daniel Galvin and John Frieda.
When Lets Twist Again came on (courtesy of Amgus McKinnnon and his Wheels of Steel a late replacement for Paul Oakenfold) Donald saw his chance and made his move for Kate. After that the Windsor boy was history. Donald took her back to South Dell to his condominium, showed her his collection of Angus Og cartoons and that was it. The next morning Kate told the waiting Gazette reporter she could never go back to duvets and pillowcases ever again. From now on it would always be tweed blankets and Loft Peak flower sacks for her. No more ensuite facilities just the jerry under the metal bed frame. Donald had worked his magic on yet another piece of top totty. He has put a notch on the beam in the hen house which testifies to his powers as a stud. Kate joins an exclusive yet eclectic collection of women that Donald has ravished which includes Keira Nightly as he liked to call her, Halle Berry, PD James, Moira Stewart, Blythe Duff, Dot Cotton, Dolly Parton and Mother Theresa.