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16 October 2014

calumannabel


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Kate Middleton, Donald and Fank 07 - the inside track

We knew at the beginning of the month before anyone else of the cracks in the
Middleton Windsor relationship. It was when Donald in his capacity as car park attendant at the Fank noticed a VW Golf with no road tax parked on the top road into South Dell. There was a Top Shop bag on the back seat and some polo equipment along with it with the initials WW on the shirt. Knowing that William Wallace is long dead Donald put two and two together and realised there was some top totty at the masked ball that evening looking for lurve.
Being an expert ogler of KM's legs over the p[ast few years, D soon tracked his quarry down. She was sat on a peat bank talking to Chrissie Mary and B of B about hair colouring and swapping experiences about stylists. Chrissie Mary didn't hold back about her thought s on Daniel Galvin and John Frieda.
When Lets Twist Again came on (courtesy of Amgus McKinnnon and his Wheels of Steel a late replacement for Paul Oakenfold) Donald saw his chance and made his move for Kate. After that the Windsor boy was history. Donald took her back to South Dell to his condominium, showed her his collection of Angus Og cartoons and that was it. The next morning Kate told the waiting Gazette reporter she could never go back to duvets and pillowcases ever again. From now on it would always be tweed blankets and Loft Peak flower sacks for her. No more ensuite facilities just the jerry under the metal bed frame. Donald had worked his magic on yet another piece of top totty. He has put a notch on the beam in the hen house which testifies to his powers as a stud. Kate joins an exclusive yet eclectic collection of women that Donald has ravished which includes Keira Nightly as he liked to call her, Halle Berry, PD James, Moira Stewart, Blythe Duff, Dot Cotton, Dolly Parton and Mother Theresa.

Posted on calumannabel at 14:07

Comments

brilliant,at least km is more intelligent than ww's late mum,she got out while the going was good

carol from dyingwithlaughter


HH Prince William, is known as Wales and is not a Windsor.

IB Royal Correspondent from The Royal Hotel Stornoway


Does this mean we now have Brown Wales Soup. I bet he's a Windsor and his dad was claiming tax credit and family allowance in both names. He must have needed to keep two women - sorry one woman and a horse- fed and watered.

calum from lewis


calum, whiwh would be the woman and who would be the horse-i'm bound to make a lot of enemies with that crack!

carol from france


Not soup. Cake. Battenburg cake. Disgusting pink and yellow stuff! Like solidified vomit. Can't think why they changed the family monnicker....oh hang on, wasn't there a war or something?

Flying Cat from a Royal Flush


I have seen the picture which Anne attached to the blog to liven it up, but, for the life of me, I can't quite place him. He has the kind of face you would associate with custard pie filled with splenda, methinks. I certainly would not buy a used Bentley from him.

mjc from NM,USA


I think they got the idea for polo shirts from the revolting colours of Battenburg. There is no doubt Miss Middleton had a narrow escape although a good helping of north east mining blood might have helped clear up the genetic confusion caused by Phil the Greek and Ugly Betty perpetuated via Charley Farley. She's better off with a layabout like Donald who spends his life digging septic tanks than a tin soldier who enjoys dressing up in uniforms.

calum from Evelyn Home Ness


Very soon, I predict (hopefully), there will be tea dumping in Scapa Flow, or off Stornoway. Do let me know ahead of time, so I (inheritor of yankee traditions) can barge in to lead the ceremonies. Pro bono, of course.

mjc from NM,USA


You can tell from his ties that he's a Windsor-not.

Annie B from the usual


I'm only asking because curiosity is a cat thing....what is splenda? Oh Dog, I wish I hadn't asked.....

Flying Cat from curiosity cott


She should have read him the riot act after the first six months. Anyone who plays side kick for six years to a hereditary yokel who apparently loves deep fried Mars bars (a specialty of St. Andrews), deserves to be dumped. Anyway, she did not stand a chance of inheriting the organic farm: she does not look corn-fed.

mjc from NM,USA


Splenda is sucralose. It's alright if someone calls me honey, sugar - but I'd be rather upset if someone told me I was all synthetic.

mjc from NM,USA


What does a corn-fed woman look like? Yellow?

Flying Cat from jaundiceVjaundice


splenda is sugar without the calories - they've taken to advertising it over here.

mia from snoozing on a human


Oh no that's disgusting, mia. I'd rather do without altogether! Wait a minute, I'm a cat, I don't like sugar....

Flying Cat from patting a plump rump


His dad dropped in on us all unexpected and surprised us. FC I see you move in mysterious circles

crofterbill from the vatersay bunker


nice to see you are still keeping in wi the hi eichicklons! Does anyone know where the key to this door is, I think I'd like to go home now. Don't get me wrong the lassies here are very nice, friendly bunch, you know! But porridge is getting a bit samey if you know what I mean, and I'm not really that keen on tatoos. I knew I should never have listened to yon nakid rambler, sorry your honour.

GrannyE from Aff her heid


Granny E if you'd told us you were banged up in HMP Portnaguran we'd have come and visited.

norman stanley morrison from ness


Hello GrannyE: good to see you are back in your usual form. When are you scheduled to sign in as GrangrannyE? You don't like tatoos?!! (I don't either). I heard that in some countries: no tatoo, no ballot - but I suspect it is canard spread by .... are the elections over yet, Anne?

mjc from NM,USA


Have you been stripped of your titles GrannyE? That J. Archer, Lord, wasn't so why should you be victimised?

Flying Cat from dusting down the soapbox




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