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Donald is going professional this year and is 'signing off' on November 1st so the DWP won't be on his back this year. The brown envelopes we got from the benefit people last year had to be seen to be believed. They refused to believe that we could mount such an extravanza without getting a few quid out of it. They told Donald he hadn't been available for work while the Fank was on but as he pointed out nor was anyone else in the Highlands and Islands at that time.
We are measuring up the site on the first week in November and may call a meeting in Stornoway to elect a Steering Committee - I believe Godwin is an great advocate of Steering Committees!
We are going to take soil samples on the Fank site as we believe that toxic chemicals from the sheep dip may have permeated the peat over the years - we understand this pollution may be responsible for the high concentration of unmarried, unsuitable, unattractive woman born close to the site.
Annie Beag has promised to come out of retirement and is busy knitting suitable fank attire so she wont be caught out in the fashion stakes this time round. Watch this space and bless you all.

PS A limousine is a car not a bull!
Just a little advance warning about some large important motors containing large important people beetling around Ness next week and the week after. Donald and I have received advance warning that the Dell Fank is to be made a World Heritage Site. Annie B was lobbying - (she is good with lobbies but hopeless with porches) in Seville last week gladhanding the great and the good over there. Apparently Liverpool's Liver Building and the Tower of London are in danger of losing their status and the Fank seems the obvious successor to the Grand Jury. If anyone else in the islands has a spot they would like to be a World Heritage site we'll happily point the judges in their direction for a few quid and a bottle of The Bheag. Lamlash would appear an obvious spot or Auchenshuggle Public Laundry maybe?

Dear All
Donald has been awarded some backdated benefit. They wouldn't pay him for the time the Fank was on as they said he wasn't available for work. He pleaded that he had his mobile phone with him all the time and it wasn't his fault there's no reception around the Fank. Good for Donald who wouldn't know a mobile phone from a mobile home. GReat thinking. Anyway the point is that he has given me a fiver out of the back money so I'm coming to Stornoway on the bus on Friday and I'm not going home till it's spent. I shall be in An Lanntair around 3pm if anyone fancies a coffee and a natter. I can tell anyone who's interested what Ann is like while she's away on leave and unable to defend herself. I met her in Edinburgh recently. She was trying to exert her influence to get in the VIP enclosure at next year's event to get at the best talent - we were having none of it - Donald and I. Donald's not for turning and nor am I unless she puts more cash on the table. You cnat expect to get paired up with Brad Pitt for a fiver and she should realise this. Anyway I'm off down to the Dell River with my box of Oxydol to wash my smalls - I've no clean dungarees for Friday.