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Arise Sir Akon!

• Fraser M
• 23 Nov 06, 12:55 PM

To celebrate Akon's return to his rightful place at the very top of the charts with 'Smack That', here's some useful advice he's given out for free on the topic of being dead brave and not at all...er...not-brave, and stuff...

Now, he might have the squeakiest voice this side of a talking squirrel with his nuts in a vise (no, not THOSE nuts), but that doesn't mean that Akon is some kind of soft touch. In fact, if his various experiences are anything to go by, the man is some kind of vigilante super-hero and love-machine. A bit like Bat-Man, only randier. Here's how it went...

ChartBlog: Akon, do you consider yourself to be brave?
Akon: Yeah I would say I'm pretty brave.

ChartBlog: What makes you say that?
Akon: I dunno. Because I'm not scared of nothing. I think that what terrified my mom and my pops the most, that I wasn't scared of nothing. I just thought it was normal though. You shouldn't have to be scared of anything.

ChartBlog: Give us an example of your bravery.
Akon: That's the thing. I don't know that is. I know it's hard to explain. Let's say like, OK, prime example, I was in New York and someone tried to rob my chain, so naturally, I took the chain off, handed it to him, and as soon as he reached out for it I grabbed his hand and knocked him out.

ChartBlog: That's impressive.
Akon: Yeah, but I didn't feel threatened at all because I felt so confident that I had the situation under control.

ChartBlog: Where does that come from?
Akon: I don't know. I suppose maybe it comes from when I was growing up, I was always fighting. I know what I could do.

ChartBlog: OK, on the one hand, that seems like bravery, but you could say that...
Akon: It was stupid.

ChartBlog: [Cowers]...
Akon: Yeah! Like that time I was like "What the f*** was I thinking? What if something really went wrong?" But when I'm in that moment, I just assume that I have full control of the situation.

ChartBlog: OK, you're a knight in the middle ages, and you've got to slay a dragon to save a princess. Do you go away and do it, or do you go on holiday, come back and say you did it?
Akon: I'd slay the dragon. Cos I know that dragon is eventually gonna find me. And it'd be worse to tell those people that you did it, only to find that dragon breathing down your neck. I like to take that on and get it over with.

ChartBlog: Would you ever call 50 Cent a big girl?
Akon: It depends. If he was acting like a girl, I'd be like "Yo 50, you acting like a girl, man." I would say it. I'm sure he'd say it to me too.

ChartBlog: Akon disses Fiddy shocker!
Akon: Well, stuff like that always gets out of hand. And that's when you deal with it. You'd say "Come on, man, it's the media, you know how they twist things." If I had a problem with 50, 50 knows that I would reach out to him. He knows that. I'm sure that if he had a problem with someone, he'd reach out and have a conversation with them.

ChartBlog: Apparently, P Diddy is afraid of clowns, what irrational fears do you have?
Akon: [Laughs]...

ChartBlog: What? It's a real phobia. You must be scared of something.
Akon: Nothing I can think of.

ChartBlog: Tsk! You should be a spy or something...
Akon: I was gonna be a detective. I wanted to be a secret service agent one day.

ChartBlog: Wow, that's impressive.
Akon: Unfortunately I'm a convicted felon so I can't do that now.
ChartBlog: Ah.

ChartBlog: Would you ever rollerskate through a swarm of bees?
Akon: Ha ha! That's stupid. I would never do that. Have you tried it? That's not bravery, that's just jackass.

ChartBlog: What about jumping over a row of nuns in your ice skates?
Akon: No, I wouldn't do that.

ChartBlog: Did you do that stuff when you were kids? With the ramp, and bikes, and you'd round up all the kids in your neighbourhood?
Akon: No, not the kids! [laughs a LOT]

ChartBlog: Argh! What? Not the kittens?
Akon: Nah. Not that, but we had a little lake near our street where we had a big tall ramp and we'd come down the street on the bike and up the ramp, and then land dead in the water. We did stuff like that. But not over no kids. That's hilarious.

ChartBlog: What's the worst injury you've sustained due to bravery?
Akon: Pft! I got shot here twice with a .22 pistol [points to two little round scars on his elbow], trying to save somebody. Up here I got a stab wound [points to under his arm]. We get that often.

ChartBlog: I don't want to hang around with you, Akon.
Akon: But if you with me, and conflict comes your way, I'll be there to help you. I'm that sort of person.

ChartBlog: Thanks. What's the worst injury you've sustained due to cowardice?
Akon: It's under my thigh. It happened when I was first learning how to ride a motorbike, and I was scared as hell. And I slowed up and fell, and when I fell the engine landed on my thigh and burnt it.

ChartBlog: When was the last time you stuck up for a friend?
Akon: Erm... the night before last. It was at the hotel, and we had a lot of girls here. There was three of us, and about four girls. That's right, there was an extra girl. To er, y'know...

ChartBlog: Make some tea?
Akon: There was one particular chick that was gonna bang my cousin, but his girlfriend came knocking on the door. So I said "No, no, she's with me." And then his girlfriend decided to stay. So in order for the story to look right, I had to bang her.

ChartBlog: Y'see, when you say that, I can't help thinking that you mean have a nice chat and a bit of a kiss.
Akon: I had to bend her over.

ChartBlog: For a nice chat and a bit of a kiss?
Akon: I had to smack that. Pretty much.

Interviewer: Tae M
Akon is also available in website form...at