Fun With Press Releases - Easter Special
I've racked a few up for you, you lucky people!
Hadouken! - 'Music For An Accelerated Culture'
"Looking for a band who sum up the genre-vaulting, scene-splicing, boundary-pushing spirit of music in 2008?"
OMG someone's lost the Klaxons! Quick, form a search party!
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Jim Noir - 'What U Gonna Do'
"Back in Manchester, he's been whittling away his time with various garden-shed projects, such as his attempt to assemble the first wasp orchestra."
THIS is how you write a press release, people. Just make stuff up! Go crackers! James Blunt to perform the first ever gig on the moon! Girls Aloud for American president! Jim Noir has a wasp orchestra in his shed! Life is AMAZING!
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Vincent Vincent & The Villains - 'Gospel Bombs'
"That's how we get to 'Gospel Bombs', a debut unique in its diversity and unapologetic in its resistance to adhere to the prevailing trends that will disappear forgotten in the howling winds of a night very soon."
OMG! HOW soon? Is it tonight? Tomorrow night? Next week? WHEN, DAMN YOU, WHEN???
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Make Model - 'The LSB'
"Make Model can most certainly NOT be crammed into the usual shoegaze-y, inward-looking, kitchen-sink-drama-esque brackets..."
I personally have never seen shoegaze-y brackets, and if I had, I don't think I would describe them as "usual". Good use of hyphens though...
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Counting Crows - 'Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings'
"It's not so much redemption as understanding why Saturday night happens, and what next?"
Sunday morning?
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H Two 0 ft. Platnum - 'What's It Gonna Be'
"Overlaying a pulsating 2-step beat, Platnum replenish the track with an overly infectious hook coupled with swooning lyrics and rhymes, this is going to be a smash hit single guaranteed."
Ignoring the fact that this sentence seems to have been written backwards, did they really just say that the hook is OVERLY infectious? Are they suggesting this song breaches safe levels of infectiousness? Should we take precautions? Rubber gloves for the ears?
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The King Blues - 'Under The Fog'
"A postcard of modern Britain sent from the street level..."
That's got to be one dirty postcard, and not in a sexy way.
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Go:Audio - 'Woodchuck'
"They're either a rock band you can dance to, or else a dance act that you can rock out to. You decide."
OK, they're a rock band you can dance to. Can I go now?
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Comments
I like the Go: Audio one for knowing that a band doesn't have to be rock OR dance.
And I don't know about a wasp orchestra but a bee one would be nice.. full of big fat buzzy bees and little golden honey bees ^_^
Hahaha, these are almost TOO s***ylicious. But wait a sec -- Jim Noir is back??!?! OMG! (I just dread to think what his face looks like if he managed to anger that wasp orchestra with unreasonable demands!)