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Lyrics of "Barry & Freda" aka "Let's Do It" first performed by Victoria Wood on As Seen On TV, Series 2 Episode 1.

Freda and Barry sat one night,
The sky was clear, the stars were bright,
The wind was soft, the moon was up,
Freda drained her cocoa cup.
She licked her lips, she felt sublime,
She switched off Gardener’s Question Time,
Barry cringed in fear and dread,
As Freda grabbed his tie and said,

Let’s do it , let’s do it, do it while the mood is right.
I’m feeling appealing, I’ve really got an appetite,
I’m on fire
With desire
I could handle half the tenors in a Male Voice Choir,
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I don’t believe in too much sex
This fashion, for passion, turns us in to nervous wrecks
No derision,
My decision, I’d rather watch The Spinners on the television
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.

So she said

Let’s do it, let’s do it, do it till our hearts go boom
Go native, creative, living in the living room
This folly
Is jolly
Bend me over backwards on my hostess trolley
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, my heavy breathing days are gone.
I’m older, I feel colder, it’s other things that turn me on
I’m imploring
I’m boring
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, have a crazy night of love
I’ll strip bare, I’ll just wear, stilettos and an oven glove
Don’t starve a
Girl of a palava
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I know I’ll only get it wrong
Don’t angle, for me to dangle, my arms have never been that strong
Stop pouting
Shop shouting
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, share a night of wild romance
Frenetic, poetic, this could be your last big chance
To quote Milton
To eat Stilton
Roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I’ve got other little jobs on hand.
Don’t grouse, around the house, I’ve got a busy evening planned
Stop nagging
I’m flagging
You know as well as I do that the pipes need lagging
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, while I’m really in the mood
Three cheers, it’s years, since I caught you even semi nude
Get drastic
Gymnastic
Wear your baggy Y fronts with the loose elastic
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I must refuse to get undressed
I’d feel silly, it’s too chilly to go without me thermal vest
Don’t choose me
Don’t use me
My mother’s sent a note to say you must excuse me
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, I feel I absolutely must
I won’t exempt you, I want to tempt you, want to drive you mad with lust
No cautions
Just contortions
Smear an avocado on my lower portions
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, it’s really not my cup of tea
I’m harassed, embarrassed, I wish you hadn’t picked on me
No barter
Non-starter
I feel about as sensuous as Jimmy Carter
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, I really want to run amok
Let’s wiggle, let’s jiggle, let’s really make the rafters rock
Be mighty
Be flighty
Come and melt the buttons on my flame proof nightie
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

Let’s do it, let’s do it, I really want to rant and rave
Let’s go, cos I know, just how I want you to behave
Not bleakly
Not meekly
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly
Let’s do it, Let’s do it tonight…