‘If U Care Share’ say brothers affected by suicide
We Can Change The World is a new podcast series aimed at young people to inspire and encourage others to make a difference. In one of the episodes, presenter Isy Suttie is joined by Matthew and Ben Smith who talk about the tragic suicide of their older brother and how that led them to set up an incredible charity, which uses the power of football to help other young men, to care and share.
At the age of 19 Daniel Smith lost his life to suicide. His brothers Matthew and Ben were only 10 and 5 at the time, and understandably it has torn their worlds apart. Matthew reflects “I should be an uncle now, I should have had my first pint with him when I turned 18, I’ve missed out on 15 years of memories, we still have fantastic memories we do, but Dan wasn’t there to share them with us.”
All three brothers shared a love of football and a passion for their beloved Magpies, Newcastle United Football Club. Matthew says, “It [football] became a massive part of losing Dan because that was the memory… it’s still that connection, it’s what helped me when I lost Dan, the thing that turned the pain off to a certain extent.”
So in memory of their brother and as a celebration of his life, Matthew and Ben designed wristbands with the slogan ‘If U Care Share’ and along with the help of their family set up a charity football match. Matthew explains, “Me and Ben kicked the match off and then my dad, a lot of our family, Dan’s friends played against each other. It was to keep Dan with us to a certain extent but it grew in to something we never expected.”
The game became so much more and so much bigger than they expected and they were soon selling the wristbands far and wide, going on to raise over £48,000 before either of them had even reached their 13th birthday.
This led to their campaign turning into a fully registered charity. But it’s a story in which sporting rivalries are set aside in favour of a shared goal to get young men talking, and despite being fervent Newcastle fans the charity was launched in a big event at the Stadium of Light.
The ‘If U Care Share’ charity has gone from strength to strength, growing from an office in their spare bedroom to a charity employing 20 staff and working across the whole country. As teenagers Matthew and Ben would run workshops with their family in schools and football clubs across the UK.
They explain “The workshops are about early prevention, talking about feelings and mental health but making it a normal conversation. We’re not experts and we don’t claim to be experts but when we can go in and talk about our story and say, it’s ok to struggle, it can have a massive impact.”
Family has been at the heart of their endeavours and no one has been more important in the growth of the charity than their mum, Shirley Smith. Matthew says “Me mam doesn’t want anyone else to experience what she did. She wants to stop any other Daniel’s happening. It started because of that game [charity football match] but a lot of it came from me mam’s hard work and pain”.
The problem is young men don’t talk, they can talk, you’ve just got to give them the right opportunity, and listen.Matthew - If U Care Share
One of their biggest success stories has been the ‘Inside Out’ Campaign. Matthew explains “The idea is, suicide turns lives inside out, it put us on a journey we never ever wanted to go on. So we wanted to bring the conversation from the inside out. On World Suicide Prevention Day we ask anybody and everybody to turn an item of clothing inside out. It’s simple, it’s fun but the main thing is it’s starting a conversation.”
The campaign has attracted the support of football clubs and stars across the country. From Dawn French and Frank Skinner to the boys crowning achievement - their very own Newcastle United Football Club. And since its launch the campaign has reached 16 million people through social media.
Having now left school Matthew works for the charity full time, and Ben who has been integral in its creation has recently joined the police force. But it’s not been an easy ride to get to where they are today. Matthew admits he has struggled at times “How many conversations do you have a day where you say I’m ok, I’m fine. It’s the new British hello. You know I even say it when I’m in the GP, but clearly I’m not. British culture isn’t gonna be broken down overnight but we can just ask twice. It’s so important to talk but I think we also need to listen better.”
And despite spreading the message that people need to open up and talk this has been something Ben has struggled with too, “A few months back I went through a bit of a depression and it’s not something I thought that I would ever experience. It’s the hardest conversation I’ll ever have, but also the best!”
Both boys have faced challenges with their own mental health but continue to use their experiences to help others.
The charity has 3 main aims, “preventing suicide, training someone to intervene with someone who might be suicidal but also supporting someone who has been bereaved by suicide, so prevention, intervention and support.”
They are continuing to help young people across the UK. Their unique approach of getting in front of football clubs from local teams to premier league squads has proved a winning formula to get boys and young men talking. Matthew says “If we can start a conversation in football, how many more people would that reach out too?”
If you or someone you know needs support in relation to the issues mentioned in this article, help is available at .
