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i have a few funny storys but unfortunatly no photos :(

i remember when i was about 15(i am now 26) my grandparents came over for christmas dinner, and it was their job to hand out the presents,they gave me their present and i opended, i felt horror inside.... they had bought me a pink barbie stationary set, complete with barbie crayons ruler rubber you name it! i had to be very polite and thankful for my gift, of course i never used it, it was tragic!!

another year dad made this nice cake and it was tradition to set it alight, so he lit it, and shock horror, it also set the coffee table alight aswell, didnt realise that he put too much alcohol on the cake, luckly just the top of table got damaged, nothing e;se

and finally, mum was making icing for the cake one year and it turned into a complete disaster, she forgot to put in a key ingrediant(dunno what) and it was ruined, rock solid cake!! it was in edable!! she tried cutting the cake with an electirc carving knife but that didnt work and the knife buckled and broke. no 1 was in the house while this happend, so she went to the shop and bought a ready made cake, decorated it herself, and passed it off as here own, when she served it up, you could tell she hadnt made it, my brother told the grandparents she bought it as she had ruined the real one,


well those r the memories of xmas i remember well. x

ive found some funny pics for you :)

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and last of all, here is a picture of my dog in her santa outfit x

[img]C:\Documents and Settings\Default\My Documents\my pictures\dinky christmas 001[/img]

sorry here is the correct link.....


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I'm sorry it isn't Christmas related, but the news report on Saturday in Afghanistan showed a Afghan soldier which looked quite alot like Russell. It was by Nick Robinson on saturday, the one about Camerons visit. The soldier in question appears about a minute in. Thought it might be funny.

Ah, we've done the too much alcohol on the christmas pudding before, it took 20 minutes to burn itself out. We still ate it.

I think a pretty strange tradition is that my mum's cousin turns up at our house in time for tea every year. In itself, not weird, but it's the only time we ever see him, and every year he has a different job.

We also attempt to teach my brother how to play charades every year. He's now 23 and still hasn't got the hang of it. Admittedly he is, without fail, drunk. And we get sent a new board game from people called relatives, though I have no idea how we're related, so we spend a good hour trying to work it out before giving up and losing to my dad at trivial persuit.

I don't have any photos of the best snowman ever, which we made last year, because someone destroyed it in the 5 minutes it took to go and get a camera. But it was a full size pirate complete with eye-patch, scar, tri-corner hat and parrot.

I'm all excited now. Yay Christmas!

Every year, all of my mum's side of the family (think Yorkshire fishwives, really loud, really brash 'It's not a fact, it's true' types) gather at my aunty Denise's house. No matter where you are in the world, if you're one of the Haddocks, you make it there. It's law.

It's tradition for the aunts to 'help' the younger cousins to play pass the parcel. So it starts off all very nice, the kids sat on their elected aunts' laps passing this newspaper parcel around. But as they get more and more into it, the kids get slowly pushed aside and it becomes this massive wrestling match between the adults to try and win the Christmas socks, or a keyring, or something equally as crap.

The best time was when Denise pulled out a 'special' parcel, just for the grown-ups to play with, and announced 'this is a filthy one'. The fight for it was brutal, and I think it was my Aunty Sue who was truimphant, and added the flannel to her pile of winnings!

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's the booze and 'merry spirit', but I always piss myself laughing when it gets to that time of the party!

This video sums up christmas for me . . . i have to say that as i recorded the video lol

Hello,
Generally (execpt for this year) we have my Mum and Dad and myself hosting Christmas at our house (which is around 20 mins away from Stratford upon Avon, in a small village)for my grandparents on my mums side, my sister and my Grandma. We also have a rabbit called Lucky (who unfortunatley passed away this april) who was a very cheeky rabbit.
You see Lucky was also clever...just before christmas we used to bring him in and put him in his house hutch in the utility room. But Lucky was clever he had taught himself how to open his cage door, so he would hop, skip and jump into the living room by himself.
Anyway, cut long story short, it was christmas eve...my mum was doing some last minute ironing like she usually did every christmas, as one of her traditions...my dad was asleep on the couch, and you when mums fold up ironing and put nice and neatly folded up ironing on the top of the couch? well we have two couches...and there was alot of ironing so she started putting clean nice and neat folded up rioning (god what a mouth full!) on top of the sofa where my dad was sleeping....She had just started to iron another shirt when Lucky bounded in.
Lucky had jumped on my Dad with such force that he (Lucky) had skocked my dad awake...causing the ironing (on the top of the couch)to fall on my dad.... he's kicking, screaming and making a mess of the freshly clean and folded ironing that my mum had just done. Lucky by this point was already behind the ironing board...mum mum to get revenge hit my dad over the head repeatedly with a cushion. I honestly wish i had a camera to show you but i didn't have time.
That christmas day my Grandma (my dad's mum) cooked the turkey and burnt it...we never asked her to cook the turkey ever again.

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Only a few years ago I could predict what I would get for Chridtmas from my brother as he got me the same cheap plastic handbag from Aldi every year! I think I ended up with about 5 of those bags, all different colours, all from different years.

It's also a family tradition to play darts at Christmas. Other than New Year's Eve, we don't play darts any other time of year- I think it has a lot to do with everyone drinking. We play 'Killer' Which is kind of like the basketball game 'Horse' but obviously wih darts.
Each player has a number on the dart board that they must hit 6 times (one for each letter) in order to become a 'Killer' who can then hit other players numbers and remove their letters. The winner is the last player with any letters.
This game always ends with dart holes in the walls as the players get more and more drunk, and constant fleeing from the room everytime my grandad picks up his darts!

When I was 6 and my sister was 8 we got sellotape for christmas... one of the best presents ever believe it or not- we convinced our little brother to let us sellotape him to a chair. we also got kwik-save selection boxes to which i said "santa goes to kwik-save too?"

when my brother was between 10-13 he would always put on a disco (turning off all the lights and putting the xmas tree lights onto flashing mode)in the house where he would be the DJ..

a couple of years ago on christmas eve me and my step-dad decided to act like children and have a race to make a better snowman than each other i was out the back and he went out the front, and we have decking out our back and i decided to make it on the decking, so i thought i had stepped the decking, but it was a brush, the brush sprung up and hit me straight in my left eye, i ended up with a black eye it was soo funny.
everyone was making jokes about it for ages and that whole christmas i was walking like i was on the moon incase i got hit by something else hahaa

for the last few christmases my auntie sent my mum and my auntie a candy thong and my auntie opened it in front of her parents in law and they said "Oh is that a sweet?" so my auntie had to hide it.
My auntie also sent a corset for my mum which didn't fit so we put it on top of my clothes, i was aged 7, and stuffed the cups with wrapping paper.
And also she sent my brother, then 17, chocolate body paste which we ate on our toast. And finally last year she sent my uncle a ball scratcher "for the busy man" and also she sent my brother a pair of pants which said "with extra padding"
So xmas is great for dodgy presents and this year she's spending xmas with us and she's bringing my 2 cousins.
But also every year my family dreads boxing day as my mum this year is cooking for 24 people (including us) and usually it's about 19(including us)

Hey. Well, last year while we were on our skiing holiday, me and my brother martin(me 16 at the time and him 22... i think :S), we saw a child and its dad making a snowman, they were at it for over an hour. Once they finished, we thought we'd sneak over and alter it slightly, by sticking two balls to it and making it more penis shaped.
While we were doing this, a big crowed of Brits and Americans on holiday came walking past, all laughing and cheering and even taking pictures. I overheard one saying 'only a brit would do this'.
So, once we finished our masterpiece we went back to the flat and got our parents to look at it from the balcony... unfortunately, a couple of hours later it was destroyed :( but we found out the next day that it was the talk of the town :D mission accomplished .

here's the pic of it. It measured in at around 6 foot:

[Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]


Richard

I'll be honest, I'm a tad gutted about my crimbo tea this year. It's usually a meaty feast, but my boyfriend recently decided he was a vegetarian, which is bad enough since he's the cook in this relationship. But my Mum also worships him, so guess what we're all having for crimbo dinner this year? ? A 'nice' vegetarian meal. Pfffft.

My parents seriously wanted me and my sister to belive in Father Christmas, but it was the 90's we knew better, so every night in december we would try and find the presebts before christmas day, more to prove to purselfs that we're right in think there is no Santa clause. Although we thought we we're all secret agent but our parents waere one step a head a wrote notes each sader than the next "from" Father Christmas asing why me and my sister won't just believe that someone in the world just wants to spread some Christmas cheer to all children off the world.
And to our parents delight it certainly but us in our place.

Then after being alowed to know the truth about father christmas, our parents still knew how to completely own us
now perhapes a good girl wouls save up her poket money to buy a present for their dear mum and dad, but i'd take the saying "it's the thought that counts" for as much as i could and so would "gift" my parents with a rendition od a christmas song or i would draw something christmassy and yet i would expect my christmas list to be waiting under the tree, so one year as a "joke" my parents decied to hide the parents and make out that all i was getting was a badly song carol and a drawing, i wasn't best pleased but my parents were pissing themselfs ¬_¬

p.s. I'm not really a brat, though I do sound like it now lol... I'm just a really really bad cook =P Bright side is, I bet it'll be the healthiest crimbo tea in all the land :)

Can't wait for the next show woo ! =)

Hey Russell...

Firstly I have found a news story which relates to christmas which I think you will enjoy and could possibly include in the show :



Made me chuckle anyway!

And one more thing, Here is a picture of me with the snowman me and my sister built last year... I'm 5'10 so it's a pretty big snowman!!

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Hope it works :)... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Loved the warm-up gig tonight - your talk of rubbish presents reminded me of my all time favourites (sadly no photos)

- A 750 piece jigsaw. Not the most exciting of presents at the best of times. This was even worse - imagine the scene, top half of puzzle was the sky, bottom half was a field. Across the middle, only just visible, and taking up about an inch-wide strip of the dull scene, was a herd of brown and white cows. Even worse, the one in the middle had moved its head which was now just a blur. That was honestly the best shot? Someone really thought, "hmm, great photo, I'll get Waddingtons to make it into a jigsaw"?!

- Nan opened her present from a relative to find an itchy beige Shetland wool patterned jumper. Laughs from Mum who thought it was foul, as she opened her present from another relative to find the same ugly sweater. At 14 years old I am p-ing myself laughing that 2 people thought of the same unfashionable item. Was not laughing so much when I opened one of my present to find exactly the same awful jumper...

- Slightly mad older relative gave one of my daughters a "cute" ornament, a Beatrix Potter character on a letter "K". Would not have been such a bad present if she was called Kate or Kitty. Her name begins with a G!

I agree with Julie, great warm up gig (So felt like cheering at the LOTR and HP refrence :P)

My family have a kind of ritual to christmas, Get up, breakfast at 10-11, mum and dad tidy up, me and my brother move the presents into the front room and argue about who is going to hand the presents out. We open the presents then me and my brother bugger off to our rooms whilst the parents do the dinner.

Also, growing up, I wasn't told Santa wasn't real, or any of that rubbish. No. I was told my DAD was Satna. I was mesmorised and begged him to take me with him (5 or so at the time.)
And when I was 7, I left a mince pie, Chocolate milk (my dads favourite) and tin of carrots (we had no normal carrots) for dad (Santa) and Rudolph, I woke up in the morning to half the milk drunk, the tin of carrots open with the carrots gone and just the juice, and the mince pie left in its place. There was "Footprints" coming out of the fireplace...
My parents had talcum powdered the floor to look like footprints.
My parents broke my heart when they told me my dad wasn't Santa (aged 8-9) I felt like my dad had quit Santa duties and was letting all the kids down. True story believe it or not lol.

Dodgy presents.... I've been given a dogtooth style poncho (probably in style now) that looked like a table cloth.
My mums auntie always gives me some kind of purse for christmas, but she believes that you have to put money in a purse you give someone to give good luck...Nothing useful like £10-£20, normally between 2p-20p.

This year when I put my Christmas tree up,(Which takes a whole day on its own!) i went to quickly put the lights on it so it didn't look so bare. When I finally plugged the lights in after spending nearly an hour putting them on, I came to discover that they didn't work. I stayed up all night trying to get them to work but finally gave up. Next day I got my dad to sort them out. When I came into the room, they were finally working. I asked how he managed to sort them and he told me that I hadn't even switched them on at the wall. I was so embarrassed!

Jade Choudhury
From South Shields

hello my name is ben foakes

it was 2008 and my mam and dad thought it would be funny to buy me red thong for christmas and when i got it out of my stocking i was really confused so i decided to prove a point i opened my presents wearing nothing but the red thong. the scary thing about it is that i still wear that thong now ;)

omg this brings back memorys chrismas 2005 my nana (bless her) bought me and two brothers a box of mints and items from the durex play selection obviously unaware of what they are bare in mind that my little brother was only 7 i'll never forget my parents faces sat at the table eating christmas dinner trying to explain in the nicest possible way what lubricant was to my brother!! :( mega cringe!!
Elise, South Yorkshire
xxx

When I was around 12, I dunno', well when ever furbies where popular, my dad got completely off his trolley, and in his epic drunkenness he tumbled, and in one sweep he annihilated the t.v. Soon after that he got up, after a 5 minute power nap, of course! and then carried on his path of destruction! He tumbled, yet again, like an olf, and knocked over the Christmas tree. Thats not where it ends though! after he knocked over the tree, he then dry humped it! A disturbing thing to see at the tender age i was. Then after he sobered up a bit, he dropped my cusin's furby into his pint, and strangely, the booze somehow infected the furby's system and the furby, even though it was A.I. was pissed !? It started saying random things and slurred its words.. Shocking stuff.

Its nothing to do with Christmas but I was wondering if you had noticed this... Me and my friend decided to watch your show on Â鶹¹ÙÍøÊ×Ò³Èë¿Ú iplayer one day in school because we got bored in ict. We suddenly got the giggles as we noticed that the loading symbol was circling where your penis should be on the picture of you when we were waiting for the show to load. It's quite immature of us to notice this but as least we wasn't bored for the rest of the lesson. Have a lovely Christmas from alice in Manchester xxx

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Here's a good one... In the place I live, sacriston, the lights got turned on last week! And we made the news! Seriously we did. For the WORST Christmas tree in the northeast! Honestly, and now they're doing a carol gathering to get in the news again for an "Eco" tree, which it's not... It's just super low buget!!! 3 scaffolding poles with lights wrapped around them!!!
X

I saw jesus on a night out in swansea

this is me friend pete ( the spit of jesus ) on a stag do in swansea
see this pic pleeease :)

Hey Russel , Just to say congrats on the success of you show.. it makes my thursday night =]
Also im goin to see you live next friday at the aecc i cant wait!! second time seein you live this year =]

Your wantin Pics of snowmen well i have a perfect one for you, This is my amazin niece Tegan who is now 8 she (thinks your a cute guy btw ) good taste in guys, she gets it from me:P

yeah this picture is of tegan and her adopted snowmen family, it tooks us ages to build them three as she was only 5 at the time and i was 19 and im only 5ft3 lol anyways i hope you show it as it would make her christmas to see herself on tv and i think there pretty funky snowmen hehe

see you next friday =] keep up the good work
love erin xxx

hi its Erin again
ive found an even better snowman , this picture is of My gorgeous son Kaelan when he was just 2 months old (hes now 2)
this is him dressed up as a snowman on his first christmas [Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]
In My eyes you cant get a cuter snowman hehe
would be so proud to see my wee baba on tv =]
see you next friday, i hope you ask questions after you do your gig cause im hopin i will pluck up the courage to actually ask you somethin this time but im well shy haha
Merry Christmas Russel =] xxxx

Last year I went out with my friends just before christmas and this drunk guy dressed as Santa was singing (well I would say shouting) out a song about peaches and then fell which was really funny but weird.

Then just at the beginning of this year I was going to Devon and on the way there I heard the same song the drunk santa was singing. It is an actual song by Presidents of the USA. This song is so pointless yet so funny. Here's a youtube link to hear it:

[Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]

Enjoy!

Me and my mates erected this master piece last year. It was the most it had ever snowed in years where we live so we had to make the most of it. We thought we should build it at night so it would be there in the morning when people are driving to work and school, also its life span would of been longer. It took about 2 hours to properly build, shape and craft together but we all agreed it was worth the effort. The best bit though was when we had nearly finished this police car drove past and slowed down as it got to us, we were like "BLAST, they're going to tell us to take it down" but they didn't they gave us a thumbs up and drove on, which i thought was true Christmas miracle.

Merry Christmas
Nathan x

heres a picture of my dog in her santa outfit, its an actual outfit you can get especially for dogs


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Hey Russell and company. I am writing because I have a tale of woe this christmas, and I'm hoping you can help me out.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and as I know Russell is the KING of ideas of getting back together, I would like to know if he could help me somehow. (I have thus far not taken any naked photos.... that will be the last ditch attempt I make.... promise.)

I would like it to be a good christmas this year, and hopefully get the guy I adore back in my life, and make the people around him realise we are very good for each other and also love each other very much. If you could help me, that would be great.

Thank you for your time.

My worst Christmas present was without a doubt the gaudy ornamental cigarette dispenser I got when I was 21. I got it from my Dad who I live with. I have never smoked.

Found a few Christmassy videos:
This one has Santa taking down a shop lifter, being pulled off and then sticking the boot in:

TV reporter Vs Snow Tube - owned!:

The risks of alcholic excess -

Traditional family feuds, two Russian grandmothers fighting with their handbags: [Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]

Hiya Russ and good news folk >=D
when I was about or younger, I really wanted a bike because I had never been on one before.. not sure why that is thinking back on it but never mind, so I came down the stair with my family and we opened the door to find our presents and there it was...my first bike, I ran on over to it and then I saw the brand...Barbie, my sisters and be personally hated Barbie, actually my sisters used to cover them in nail polish, set them on fire and throw them out the window so I was very unsure about the future of my new bike, so I got on it (since not knowing ANYTHING about a bike Santa cough cough got my one with training wheels) and proceeded to peddle very fast in the wrong direction aka I was going nowhere I got a bit sad cause my very girly bike did "go" anywhere staring at it with tears in my eyes that my very first bike didn't work then my dad push me on it for about an hour as my family cheered, my family didnt have the heart to tell me that I was wrong it wasn't the bike it was my being an arse..or they just found it wayyy to funny either way I love them very much and want to thank them for everytime they've been there for me, be it big or small and I hope that everyone who is a part of good news a verry merry Chirstmas and an even better new year :)
lots of love the Dynowski family xxx(try say that when your drunk XD)

This is one to make your smile. Recently we have taken our 6 year old son, Patrick out of mainstream schooling and decided to home school him. Subsequently we were afraid he was missing out on various Christmas activities which school's normally provide. So my wife signed him to be an Elf for Santa at a local old folks home through Teesside Uni where she is a student. Anyway it was all planned but then disaster struck and the pensioners got ill so the event was cancelled and he was devastated as he loves helping older people. So my wife contacted our local paper, The Evening Gazette in Middlesbrough, who ran a story basically telling people about our son and how much he was looking forward to being an Elf. The fundraising organiser of Butterwick Hospice saw the article and since then he hasn't stopped, he had been at events working with Santa and giving presents out to children in the area helping to raise money for a very good cause. To top it all off it has made him so happy as I used to tell him when he was a toddler that I had worked for Santa when he was younger like the movie 'Elf' which he thinks is about me, so he now thinks he is following in his dad's footsteps and if possible it would really make his Christmas if his story could be mention in any way on the show.

funny pic off you

I don't like to cook and clean that much but I find cooking the most unbearable as it is annoying always having to do something, but last year my Grandma gave me a blender and not the normal one with a glass cup put a lid on top and press a button. What she gave me was one which looked a bit offensive and if you tried to use it well it might go through the cup into your basement.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Hi russell and all the good news team. I only have the one story thats not during christmas and no pics soz.:-(

Ok it was about the end of November this year and i was at the dentistgetting a filling and I was with my friend, I know what your thinking but he was bored, so anyway we were waiting and this bloke walked in he really big Russ, he was like someone had ate donkey-kong thats not the funniest bit he had a along white beard and some white hair but to just insult himself further he had a tiny christmas hat.

So my mate stands up right and he says to him 'Hey santa did u eat rudolph again' and this dude wasnt jollly he told us to get bent. LOL. But to really to help him he whent up the stairs he started huming the tune to 'jingle bells'.

LOVE THE SHOW RUSSELL KEEP IT GOIN.

Hi there,
Gongrats on an Awesome show that may sometimes cause a little wee to sneak out! I've a good news story-a bit Cilla Black 'Surprise Surprise' style but busting to share it.

My name is Kathryn May, I'm 33, wife to a gorgeous guy and mother to two wonderful little girls (they're madams but at least they're polite about it! ;-)

Background info required...
I was born in 1976 named Wendy Coles. My mother was very ill and had recently divorced from my father who had left a month before I arrived to start a new life somewhere in Australia, taking my older brother Reuben with him.

At 3wks old I went into foster care and at 6wks I went to live with a family who short term fostered babies. (43 babies over 7yrs in total)
I stayed with them until I was 6 years old, at which point they adopted me and I chose my middle name Kathryn, which I am known by. During this time they nurtured me and encouraged me to use my deformed right arm that the doctors said would just wither. I am extremely active and find it hinders me very little. I am proud to say that I've NEVER claimed a penny of disability in my life and have always held down at least one job, sometimes three. During my life I have longed to meet my brother and touch base with my father, although I am very grateful for the wonderful family I have, I think it's a gene thing!

This leads me to my Good News Christmas story.

When I was 22, My future husband, Mick gave me one of the most treasured gifts I've ever had, a box that contained a note. It read that- All costs incurred for the tracing of my brother and father would be paid in full, Love Mick. Finance has always been a bit tight and other things were always a necessary priority, so I never felt able to commence these proceedings.

This summer, as a self confessed technophob. I was pier pressured into joining the strange yet wonderful world of Facebook. The first thing I did was put in a search for my brother and father. After sending a carefully worded message to two potential Reuben's, I actually made contact for the first time, 33years on, costing us nothing!

In November, on my birthday, I recieved a phonecall and had the first conversation with my father. This Christmas, I am meeting my brother for the first time who is flying into Heathrow on Boxing Day. He will be meeting his half sister too and seeing our mum whom he hasn't met in 28years.

It's going to be a very Merry Christmas thanks to Facebook.:-)

Hey Russell - I think you ought to promote the Rage Against the Machine for Xmas number 1 on your show.

If you don't I'll spam every blog on the web and tell the world you used to be Nathan on 'Queer as Folk'



Love the show but do as I say...