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Never let it be said that Donald and I don't pull out all the stops when it comes to finding new recipes for you Fanksters. The Cross Inn is planning a very special wedding breakfast for any couples who tie the knot at Fank 07. The meal will recereate the following dish from Countryman's Cooking by WMW Fowler ( of Godwin Country) famous as a prisoner of war for cooking a German Camp Commandant's cat with a black market onion. This is his classic recipe for preparation and cooking of a cormorant - a guga will suffice. This is a genuine recipe and shows how close we were to being on track with some of the recipes Annie B and I posted last year. You scofffed at us at the time!

'Having shot your cormorant, hold it well away from the body ..these birds are extremely verminous and the lice are said not to be host specific. Hang up by the feet with wire, soak in petrol and set on fire. This removes the feathers and the lice. When the smoke has cleared cut off the beak. Bury the carcass in a light sandy machair type soil for a fortnight. This is said to remove the taste of rotting fish. Dig up the bird, skin and draw it. Place in a strong solution of salt and water for 48 hours. Remove, dry and stuff the bird with whole unpeeled onions..the onion skins are supposed to bleach the meat from black to dark brown.

Simmer gently in seawater - to which 2 tsbs of chloride of lime have been added - for six hours. This has a further tenderising effect. Meanwhile mix up a thick paste of methylated spirit and curry powder spreading the mixture liberally over the breast of the bird. Finally roast in a hot oven for three hours.

Jamie Oliver's company are one of three fighting for the film rights to the book containing this and other recipes.

I have the phone number of the publisher in case you don't think this is genuine.
The problem now - what to drink with it and what on earth to have as a dessert?

I understand the Queen has heard about Equal Opporchancities and is having the matter referred to the Commission for Sexual Equality. The Bishop is furious citing religious intolerance and a bias against Episcopalian Chess. The Knight sees the refusal of his request to come to Lewis as symptomatic of the diminishing role of the cavalry in today's armed forces and the Castle would have liked to meet up with its Lews counterpart. ACAS has been called in to mediate and has suggested that the most fair system would be to send a pawn. This has angered all other parties. 'This story is set to run and run' said the West Highland Free Press 'as there is no shinty at the moment'.
The Rev Hamish Mc Lamlash of the Continuing Improving I cannot believe it's the Wee Frees' commented ' The King may think he's someone in his own eyes but he will be judged by a far greater king when he throws in his crown.' Local dignatories are hopeing to enlist the King's support for a wind farm on Cromwell Street and are looking for peerages etc. 'I hope he's bringing his sword' said one excited councillor down on one knee in anticipation.
Is this the type of discussion you are looking for?

For the unitiated, and there are dozens on Island Blogging, a dating festival was held last year with great success at Dell Fank. So successful was it that there are only a handful of spinsters left in Ness and the Post Office at South Dell has never paid out as much Child Benefit. Fank 07 will take place in early April for the single, the bewildered and those generally 'on the shelf'. Donald and I in our constant quest to maximise festival satisfaction have spotted a 'Friends of Ted' festival taking place in February in W Ireland and being a democratic pair we are asking people to key in 'friends of ted' into their search engine and tell us if there are any elements of the Craggy Island extravaganza they would like to see incorporated into the Dell revelries.