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Residents of Ness, Tolsta and the Barvas area are urged to keep all doors and windows shut for the next few days as the Guga ( Young Gannets for the uniniated) is landed at Port of Ness. The prevailing winds are likely to carry the odour across the island in a southerly direction. Emporiolanjohn on the Lionel bypass has a generous offer on gaffer tape and clear polythene to encase your windows and seal your doors. It is unlikely that gas masks bought last year will be still effective and filters are on special offer at the filling station in Barvas. Anyone coming into contact with the bird should boil it and put the carcass at the sea edge at low tide. According to the recently displaced coastguard, the prevailing currents round the Butt of Lewis should take the offending article away and let it become Greenland's problem. (sorry Greenland but desparate measure and all that..)
The quality of drinking water could be affected for a few days and public houses and hotels in teh Ness area are sdvised to boil all lager. Night classes, police patrols, church buses and school will cease until the emergency is over and all guga have been safely frozen or exported to Nova Scotia. Dods MacFarlane is 32.

I was amused to read that Mohammed Al Fayed's Harrod's store somewhere on the Mainland has employed a live cobra to guard a display of shoes which cost more than the average house in Carloway to buy. Throughout the fifties and sixties, Alan John's display of Argyll wellies were always jealously guarded by a colony of mice so the idea wasn't as revolutionary as those smart Englsih broadsheets thought! But they say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. There must tbe dozens of other retailing ideas that the islands have given to the mainland? On another tack entirely - Is Flying Cat receiving Feline Aid for the trial or paying for the services of a brief? From the way the jury were moving about I think someone had given them cat nip!

Nothing in Fios. Nothing in the Gazette. Same oldshinty/ absentee landlord stories in the Free Press.
All these raga are using stories like windfarms, health cuts, wars in Iran etc to mask the important stuff. Not one journalist in the Highlands and Islands has seen fit to tell us that after all these years Paddington Bear is switching from Marmalade to Marmite. This is disgraceful reporting. Somerfield, the Coop, emporioalanjohn are all going to be caught out and left with mountains of unsold keiller and Robertson products.|Are there any other news stories these papers are suppressing. It seems IB is the only organisation up north with a social conscience.
I am so angry I will add proper punctuation esp question marks later!

This Friday at the Fank site starting at 19.30 hrs. There will be a huge salmon barbucue. Tickets are a bargain 50p inc food as Donald seems to have got a good deal on the fish and the barbecue fuel.
He wishes to point out that there is no connection whatsoever between this event and the reported loss of 32000 salmon from a farm on the island and denies entirely that it was him loading a van with 17 bages of stolen peat in Harris last week.
So that's it - no link between him and the reports of these losses/thefts in the Stornoway Gazette. Donald has his peats on CCTV and would advise others with peats to either do the same or fit a tracker to the peat stack.
Be there or be square BYOB
Bring your own bodach!