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Back from LA and blogging again. It's been hell helping the Beckhams rehome much more of a challenge than all the Ness and Lochs stars I've helped settel over the years. Anyway I'm back until David rings again and I'm disturbed by all the violent talk coming from Annie B. Frakkly it's not surprising we're having all these drive by shootings in Ness at the moment. Only the other night Chrissie Mary was 'winged' from a passing tractor as she 'chewed the (reduced) fat' with her friend Mary Belle outside emporio alanjohn in Lionel. The polis in the shape of PC Angus MacNab has been appointed Head of the new Niseach on Niseach Gun Squad and he's on the job. He's issued an ultimatum that anyone with the surname Gunn must hand their surname in at the police station in Adabrock. They will be issued with either a Gillies or a Morrison surname depending on which side of Ness they hail from. 'Taking Gunns out of the community is my priority,' Councillor Angus Ouzi told the Gazette as it went to press. PC McNab is to be congratulated.
More in later editions

Further to his support of the Gunn lobby, Coun Ouzi wishes to retract the speech he made on radio demanding more crack houses for Ness when they are so plentiful in the mainland cities. He realises now that crack houses wont bring tourism to Swainbost and Eoropie. Because of his new bifocals he misread the speech his wife had written for him. He meant to say 'black houses'.

Watching a repeat of' 'Coast' the other evening I realised how poor their coverage of the Standing Stones was. The contributor missed a 'golden' opportunity to enlighten viewers as to the origins of the term 'Wee Frees'. The Callanish site was erected 5000 years ago in one of the coldest places imaginable but had no toilet facilities. Anyone who needed to 'spend a penny' was in danger of frostbite because it was a place where there was always a danger of a 'wee freeze'. After that the term stuck.
Sorry I haven't blogged much lately. I have been busy helping erect the new battered wives' refuge in Ness. I can't of course tell you where it is but further info is available on the website www.allslapandnotickle.org.ecosse. It will be opened by Chrissie Mary Morrison next month.

I've read today - I read some strange papers- that there is to be a new theme park in Croatia based on - Disney? No. Legoland? No. Space Travel? Wrong again. This park is going to be themed on 'The Potato' - that's right - spudland with potato shaped rides and all the other exciting possibilities the spud can give us. Can I see something similar for the islands? Peatland. Guga Towers.
Massey Ferguson Land, The Herring Experience. Any other suggestions for the tourism industry?

Now that dentistry has become so expensive in the UK people are going to Hungary for cheap dentistry using the discount flights. I complained at Barvas this morning about diesel at 104.9 a litre but the lady who served me countered immediately by saying how much cheaper ladies' hairdressers are on Lewis than the mainland. Having a sunroof and only therefor half a head of hair this is no longer an issue for me but it did get me thinking. If subsidised ferry fares come to pass I can see Shearings coaches bringing dozens of women to the island for their shampoo and set. Will the Teasy Wesys of this island be able to cope? Will the island have enough laquer? This free ferry thing needs thinking through! Hairdressing tourism could regenerate the islands. Do we have anything else ( other than guga) that we do cheaper than the mainland?